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1. I just had the most ridiculous Easter lunch where, among other things, my cousin tried to drink his own weight in beer to prove that my dad had bought too little (...I know), my brother discussed intimate hair-dos, my uncle decided to declare he's a lesbian, I held a mini-lecture on the uselessness of Derrida, and we concluded that the global finacial crisis is nothing compared to the past couple of seasons for my brothers' football team.

Please tell me that this isn't just my family?

Oh, and we also discussed racism in Disney movies.

2. I keep having World War I related dreams. Not only have I had Siegfried Sassoon's shell-shock dreams (which is awkward enough), but I keep dreaming about trenches and Very lights. I haven't even started my essay for The Great War yet. This, I feel, is not promising.

2a. I have been scribbling notes for my essay everywhere though, and am beginning to regret only have 5000 words for this.

2b. Oh, I went to Dublin with Gemma (which was amazing - good Lord, Irish food!) and we stumbled over the most brilliantly twisty little bargain bookstore right near the university. We were both utterly enamoured of it anyway - and that was before I accidently knocked into a bookshelf and a biography of Sassoon dropped onto my foot - for 5 euros. Now we think it may be a magic bookshop, and wish we'd thought to want the entire Discworld series in hardback (though arguably that would have pushed us over our baggage limit).

3. In an effort to not do any useful work, I am currently working my way through the Tintin series (this is...somehow relevant. Or it will be, since I've managed to get just about everything else I've read and watched recently to be at least vaguely related to World War I - something of a task when it comes to Discworld, but hey, I manage). Naturally, this means that I am also sticking my toe into the fandom, which has fabulous things like this article and this, Ulysses, which is kind of amazing. It's not a big fandom, but hey, the old comics are brilliant enough on their own. Still: oh, internets.

3a. Hey, speaking of fandom, how much do I love that "Mads og Monopolet" (a Danish radio show) had a discussion about Harry Potter slash, wherein all of the commentators were totally awesome about it, and said it seemed like a creative and fulfilling hobby. THIS IS WHY DANISH RADIO IS FOR THE WIN, people. Also, because they discussed porn-for-women, and the brilliance of written porn. ♥

4. I've got the door open, Aerosmith up loud and no one else home. \o/ It's almost summer, you guys!

I have turned in all my work, done my exam and caught up on sleep and I feel fabulous. The kind of fabulous that you really should be able to bottle so you can always remember feeling this way even when you're bogged down with papers, applications and exams.

Today, I plan to continue the relaxation I started yesterday and take my best girl out for coffee and cake, while dressed in a very spiffy dress (the dress is important. It is adding to my general fabulousness, you see), after which we shall head to mine for reading. Reading is emphasized because it is the kind of reading that is not in the least bit related to my degree programme. This is very exciting, you see.

(Hee, Gemma just looked over my shoulder and went, "You are not allowed to use the expression 'best girl' in real life. Ever.")

Anyway, during yesterday's relaxation-a-thon, I finished People of the Book, which people insist on comparing to the Da Vinci Code. Which I suppose it is a bit like. You know, if Dan Brown had done research, taking a creative writing course, had an editor, and decided to write a historical novel about book conservation instead of a thriller about religious theories everyone already knew about. Which is to say it is nothing like The Da Vinci Code and reveiwers need to shut up and stop using comparisons in their reviews.

( People of the Book: Review )

Now, however, I am really craving a book about inter-faith relationships. Nothing dramatic - no Romeo-and-Juliet retellings, or books that feature insane religious families (I stumbled over the latter particularly often, and while I understand that they're sometimes realistic, they're also way too common) - but just a book where two people deal with the fact that they have different traditions and rituals and how they compromise and get through this. Hmmm.

However, I think I'll end up reading Michael Chabon's Summerland next, and then probably Lillian Faderman's Naked in the Promised Land. I have missed this SO MUCH, you guys.

Dude, packing, why so hard? And why is it that whenever I go home, my suitcase is always heavier than going out? Even this time, when going out I was dragging a PlayStation3 for the littlest bro? The thing took up half my suitcase! And yet, today there is barely room for all my stuff! This is considering I am ostensibly only bringing back four books, a pair of trousers, a pair of shoes and a dress more than I left with. The hell?

Also, I can't get over the fact that I'm going home tomorrow. And that it's almost 2009. And that from tomorrow onward, I will have no excuse not to write my dissertation already. And my American Studies essay. Actually, the weirdest thing is how much I'm looking forward to it, like I needed these days off to finally realize that I like what I'm doing (well, these days off and a discussion with my father about the relative merits of the nuclear family and Reagan's presidency. That helped too, mostly because it turns out I know what I'm on about. Which is very nice!) I also have encouragment to do work in the form of The Bubble, which should be arriving the 30th. Which I am only allowed to watch if I've typed up the last 1500 words or so of my dissertation, which should be pretty easy. I mean, I already know what I want to say for most of it.

And if pretty gay movies aren't enough to inspire me to work, then I fear I am a hopeless case.

Apart from all that - it will be good to be back home. I love Denmark, I love my friends here and my family, but - I miss Leicester, you know? I miss Leicester and Gemma and Bean and everyone and my stupid house.

Still. I really fucking hate packing. Urgh.

So, hey, as of today, Gemma and I have been together for twenty months, which is weird, because on one hand it feels like longer (I mean, we got together in first year, that's ages ago), but on the other hand - 20 months. Huh. I kind of didn't expect that. Which makes it all the more exciting. And just lovely. I feel so lucky, you know?

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There's been a re-shuffle in my house in past days, as R has given up her course in France and returned to Leicester, thus prompting boyT&girlT to move out and into a bedsit together. While I'm happy to have R back (really, really happy, because R is the easiest person in the world to chat to and one of the most fun to argue with) I really wish boyT weren't moving, because I hardly see anything of him as it is, and I like him.

I'm feeling a bit discontent about my house in general anyway, since the moving in of JD, who is neurotic and worried and talks all the time and is kind of badly socialized and keeps trying to pick arguments with me about really, really stupid things. And it's not fair to be frustrated about him, it's not fair to hold it against him that he's him, but honestly - I miss my old house. And I miss being pervy and having inside jokes and quoting Spaced at each other and not having to explain things every five minutes (and yes, I realize it's semi-recently that I've had all that, but seriously - this summer was so good, it's kind of sad that it couldn't continue on into the year)

On the plus side, J and I have taken to quoting The West Wing at each other. Further creation of in-house fandom, yay!

Also on the plus side, university started today in epic form, with a lecture on the Romantics (who are always epic and always comedy gold) and seminar on coming of age in American which was so excellent I think I may be in love. I'm a little wary of getting too excited - second year apparently did a better job of almost breaking me than I thought - but for now? I'm really happy with it; it's exactly what I want, yes please. I've been reading Go Tell it on the Mountain by James Baldwin and Catcher in the Rye, and I can actually feel my brain kicking in and working - I want to take notes, I want to remember certain themes and ideas, but at the same time, I actually enjoy the books. Which is novel and new and have I mentioned how happy I am that this isn't second year anymore?

Yesterday, Gem and I trekked to the Borders on the outskirts of Leicester. And while I feel my book-buying alliciancy for the most part belongs to independent bookstores and Waterstones - glee! The store was a proper, epic, American-style store, with shelves and shelves of books, a huge magazine section, a proper Starbucks upstairs and an amazing children's book section. I was a little bit in heaven (so much so that I kind of forgot all about sensible budgeting and accidentally spent more than I should have, oops?), particularly because it was just so - familiar, I guess? Don't get me wrong, I love bookbrowsing in Waterstones, but this was so *big*, like you could browse for days and still not find everything, or discover some shelf category you hadn't seen before (seriously, it had all these hide-away shelves where it made *no sense*, which would have been annoying if I was looking for something specific, but was awesome since I wasn't).

Also, I found the last Anne of Green Gables book that I needed, so I now have the complete set. This makes me far happier than it should. I also picked up Olivia by Dorothy Strachey, which came with a pretty vintage cover (the plan is to read it aloud to Gemma, which should be interesting); The Waves by Virigina Woolf, which I'm looking forward to kind of disproportionately; Days of Reading by Marcel Proust (also equipped with a beautiful cover,) and a book on analysis and writing for academic purposes. Which made me think of my dissertation which is currently ever so slightly stalled. Hurrah?

Speaking of my dissertation - or rather, academic life - I've been thinking about post-graduate study far too much lately for my own sanity. I even managed to majorly depress B while she was here, which was quite impressive. It's just - the future, you know? And it's RIGHT THERE, just "around the next bend in the road", as Anne might say, and what if I'm not ready? What if I'm not good enough? What if I don't want this enough? What if I choose the wrong school, the wrong place and break my passion for English permanently? Particularly I'm worried because my academic interests aren't particularly coherent, and so I'm not completely sure what I want to do, and I'm desperately afraid that if I commit to something, I'll discover that I've lost something else - if I choose women and gender, will I end up at university that doesn't teach American literature - but then if I choose American literature, can I be sure I'll get critical theory and cultural criticism?

I'd say I'm tempted to take a year out, but frankly that's a lie. I'm far more scared of the real world than anything in academia.

But, in happy-making news, I got an email from the teaching co-ordinator for English saying that I may be able to transfer from Ibsen to Containment & Resistance for my special subject in semester one. So I may get to do American Studies after all, which means that next year is looking up even more - impressive, considering I've even been feeling upbeat about the Romantics.

Also, recently I have been watching insane amounts of Star Trek: Voyager and so much love, you guys. But that's for a different post. I need to go grocery shopping.

Assorted notes:

1. Bean was in Denmark this week! It was very awesome - I got to show off Copenhagen, which is always fun. I kind of love my city a lot, and I kind of love Becca a lot, so it worked out well.

2. I'm Your Man - this vid is simply excellent; music, clips and the overall theme work perfectly and the whole thing just looks seamless. Plus it celebrates crossdressing and awesome women. What more could you want? (Well, the entire series of Star Trek: Voyager, but you can't get everything in this world)

3. Why is it inspiration always strikes repeatedly at the same time? I am in the middle of three writing projects, now is not the time to write RPS or Hot Fuzz fic, seriously brain.

3a. Simon Pegg is, like, ridiculously pretty. Why did no one tell me this? Also, why did no one tell me how awesome Hot Fuzz is? I cannot be expected to find out these things on my own!

4. I have spent way too much time thinking about hips lately. I blame not being near Gemma. And also Bruce Springsteen a little bit.

4a. Also, why am I ridiculously horny when Gemma is nowhere near? FAIL, body. FAIL.

5. I totally went to the beach today. SUMMER!

I'm ill; I've been dizzy on and off for the past three days. I've got an appointment with a doctor tomorrow, but until then this is making me incredibly nervous. Someone please tell me I'm not having a stroke.

It's been a pretty weird week in the real world. I've been completely caught up in panicking about my dissertation (and changing the title for the 1100000th time, but I think I have it now. Hilariously, it's one of the earliest titles I considered. Still, it's about the journey, right?) and reading The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay(♥, oh Sam!) and taking care of myself and Gem (Gem's been suffering from a stomach complaint. We are a healthy pair.) Apparently while I've been doing this, I missed the drama of the house and only discovered yesterday that two of my housemates have broken up. It's getting to me rather a lot - I didn't expect it, and the way it happened isn't good. It turns out they haven't completely broken up, but they're taking time to think about it, yet from one party's perspective, I'm not sure they should get back together. Yet I really like both of them, so I feel like I should be rooting for it to all work out, you know?

Another thing about the break-up is that they've both gone home to think, which means it's just me and R left in the house. It's nice - she's the easiest person to talk to in the house and I adore her - but I miss the others. The house is way too quiet. Particularly I want C back; I miss just chatting with him in the kitchen about absolutely nothing. We haven't spoken much this term due to exams and general stress and now he's gone home for three weeks.

Also my iPod is broken. Because I feel like I haven't whined enough in this entry.

However! Bean's around for dinner, Gemma's calling tonight and until then I have Olli and Christian.

I can always start having a real life tomorrow.

Because I am a genius person, I almost dragged my bed down into the cellar today. I'd been told that the delivery date for my new bed (OMG YAY, new bed soon!) was tomorrow - however, a quick inspection of my email revealed that, actually, my bed isn't arriving until the 4th of June. Hurrah for double checking! (Albeit after I actually stripped my bed and cleaned my room in preparation for the new bed. So smart.)

Speaking of general genius, today was my first exam. It went as these things tend to - I felt like I could have written a lot more than I did, much more coherently than I did, but I feel like the problem is more the format of the exam, than my own performance. Yes, I suppose I could have done more work, but on the other hand, I knew what I was talking about, and I knew how to get it across. Just not in the time alloted to me. So it goes, and I've resigned myself to the possibility of getting a 2.2 for the course. I'm still hoping for a 2.1, but I can accept a 2.2.

The important thing is that now I can forget all about the Restoration period, and instead turn my mind towards my twin loves of Renaissance history and Sir Thomas More. And possibly also to medieval literature and the madness of Margery Kempe, which is proving rather more entertaining than it probably should be.

As if to reward me for surviving my exams, two rather wonderful pieces of fic appeared today on jpkieron; clearly someone somewhere loves me, because this is a fandom with notoriously bad writing in it. ( Blather about the fandom and glee about the source )

Unrelated to anything: I haven't been able to get We Rule the School out of my head for days now. I'm not sure what it is about it particularly that moves me so much, but I can't stop humming it over and over. In general, I'm obsessing over Belle and Sebastian - have been for the past three months, but it's flared up again quite dramatically during my revision and now the song is stuck in my head.

( Some notes upon the watching of Eurovision )

Life, you guys. Life.

My real-life is something of a muddle. My father was in Leicester, Monday to Tuesday, and it was so nice to see him again, but now I miss him terribly, and I'm not going home until July; I was sent home from work yesterday after I had a minor collapse due to cramps, which did not exactly heighten my opinion of the day in general; and a couple of my housemates are in a mood with the rest of us, due to discussions of rooming arrangements next year. Not exactly the best start ever to a week, if I'm honest.

Apart from that, I have my last Critical Theory seminar on Friday, which means it'll be the last time I see my seminar tutor. Which makes me quite sad, since he's absolutely amazing (and so is CT, which is another reason for sadness.)

On the other hand, I have finished my Satire and Sense essay, and only need to edit (and possibly create a conclusion for) my Critical Theory essay, which is a very good thing; Gemma's been taking care of me, which has been, well, wonderful (I'm...kind of bad at dealing with people taking care of me - I feel obliged to help. However, Gemma got rather strict with me, so. Yes.); I'm beginning to think I may just be able to scrape by my exams. Also I've been reading Stephen Jay Gould's Life's Grandeur, which is amazing and beautiful and kind of makes me wish I were more of a scientist. Or smart enough to be able to use his theories in some way for my academic work (which remind me, I really, really need to start thinking seriously about my dissertation. And possibly considering re-reading Anansi Boys.)

***

Quite apart from everything else, I've got a craving for World Without End fic. Which disappointingly still doesn't exist. The book's been out for six months, people!( Spoilers! )

Speaking of things related to the fandom life: Beat It. I love Patrick. Like, a lot. (His voice, you guys!)

Also, DADT, Damyata, Dayadhvam messed with me. I can't believe how short it is for something that packs such a powerful punch. It's an SG:A alternate universe, where Don't-Ask-Don't-Tell isn't just a law - it's a chip, implanted into everyone affiliated with the US military. It gets to me on a number of levels and some of them make me a little uncomfortable, but I recommend it whole-heartedly. It is amazing.

I'm back! Though not from outer space. Rather, from Bean's and from Paris. Both of which were amazing. Firstly, Bean's home is in this tiny village in the country - no, really, the country, rolling fields and village greens and everything. It's the type of place where, when you look out of the window, you half expect some lost Romantic poet to be rambling, perhaps stopping every once in a while to harass some part of nature with a poem. Absolutely beautiful, if at times a little scarily sweet. It's pretty much exactly as a non-English person would visualize England (and, for that matter, the English). I even went to church on Sunday, and that was fun and sweet as well. Of course, afterwards we went to have fondue and sit in a hot tub for the day, so it wasn't that weird. And it was awesome to see Becs again, even if she has now again deserted me for the great country of France.

Speaking of France - Paris! The trip was amazing, absolutely amazing; the only real problem was it was too short, so we didn't get to visit Pere Lechaise, for example, or the Bastille and the Opera. But Paris is such a gorgeous city, and being there with Gemma was just - it's what Paris is supposed to be, you know? Wandering through small streets and ducking into the small parks scattered throughout Paris, walking arm-in-arm by the Seine, sitting in the sun in the park at Notre Dame kissing and eating meringue. It was lovely, and I think we had quite a well-rounded trip, hitting all the big landmarks, but also managing to go down the small streets, eat in some "local" restaurants and visit some local coffee shops and bars (one in particular was awesome - it was underground! The drinks came with marshmallows! I was pleased.), and, of course, visiting Shakespeare and Company which was as beautiful and glorious and just lovely as you'd expect. ( It was an experience. )

The only thing that really kind of bugged me was Notre Dame - it's such a stunning building, but it loses a lot by having "walk-in" confessionals, a gift shop, neon lighting and hundreds of tourists snapping pictures. Den of thieves, anyone? Also, there was a concert Tuesday night, which we didn't realize until Wednesday, which was annoying.

But it was so good. It really was. And I'm so glad I went.

(speaking of Gemma, she is currently asleep in my bed behind me - she's home ill with a stomach bug and feeling guilty for not being at work. I know it's bad, but I'm kind of glad; it's so nice having her here, and I'm enjoying taking care of her (she is ridiculously undemanding and makes a big deal out of everything I do, which is very rewarding. Shallow, me?). And it's quite homey having her here. Even though it's also making me feel guilty for being on LJ rather than doing work.)

***

I feel like I'm waiting for something. Maybe because Paris has been the big thing I've been waiting for since January and now it's gone; maybe because I've an urge to write, but no discipline to do so; maybe because essays and exams are due in soon and need studying for and yet I'm not doing that; maybe because, I keep looking for books and trying to find the perfect one - you know that feeling, where you know it's there somewhere, but because you don't know exactly what you're looking for, you just know you'll know when you see it, it's oddly...not frustrating, but expectant? I feel like that, like something is about to happen or I'm about to do something, but I don't know what.

Either that, or the combination of Perks of Being a Wallflower and Belle and Sebastian is messing with my mind.