ink_splotch

As most of you probably already know from Freya's journal, we've split up. It was peaceful, mutual and more melancholy than sad and I'm grateful for that. We're still friends (it's been almost four years - I'd be hard pressed to imagine my life without her in it), it was just time; the relationship wasn't what either of us wanted anymore.

I'm in an odd mood again. Seeing Freya was good, as always, but the weekend visits are harsh, and this one particularly so. Leaving her was hard. In the airport I had too much time, and so I wondered around without any particular purpose, drinking coffee and reading A Home at the End of the World, while Bruce Springsteen mourned and celebrated the frail, bittersweet and hurtful triviality of life in my ears.

There's an odd air in airports that I've never noticed before yesterday. Perhaps because I was already upset, it struck me. Airports have this quality of suspended life - while we are here, we are non-exsistant. We partially exsist, I suppose, as tickets and numbers and security risks. We exsist as voices in cellphones, a promise of being home in time for dinner or a birthday or to kiss the kids goodnight. But beyond that, we are suspended, waiting. We are neither here nor there; we are in travel limbo, not where we're coming from, not where we're going to.

Though maybe I just feel in general limbo these days. I need my life to begin again, and all though this time is pleasant enough, it feels unreal and the days run into one long stream of conciousness. I want to leave, to do something, to, I don't know, have structure and reality again.I am not cut out for this kind of thing.

However, tonight I had dinner with some girls from my class, which was good. I drove out there, which was soothing as well - something about the alternating melancholy and joy of Simon and Garfunkel while concentrating only on the simple acts of driving does me good. And then seeing the girls was amazing; I sometimes forget how much I like people, and particularly these people, these dorky, weird, quirky people, who actually care about me. Finally I drove them into the city (they were going out), and then I drove home. Or rather, I started to drive home. But I was listening to the Moving Out cast recording, and I knew as I hit the coast road and Summer, Highland Falls came on, that I couldn't go directly home. So I drove around, turned up the music so I couldn't hear myself singing above it and let the CD play out, going thrrough the emotions with it, and finally ending joyfully with the River of Dreams/Keeping the Faith/Only the Good Die Young medley, screaming the lyrics out. It was almost zen like, and now - now I'm happy. Or rather, calm. Content. I haven't felt calm in a while, excepting a few moments during my visit with Freya, so this is good.

All this is really just to say that I am home and I've missed you and that I hope you're all doing well and are happy.

I am back, and possibly sick.

I am assuming these things have nothing to do with each other.

Vacation was so incredibly amazing. Part of me wants to do a full and complete update, but the selfish, sick part of me wants to go to bed and watch Wilby Wonderful, and I think I'll let that part win tonight. However, I will say this: I have the sweetest, most wonderful girlfriend ever. I say this for many, many reasons, most of which I'm assuming she knows, but one of them definitely is her taste in birthday gifts. My girl took me to see Billy Joel. I'd more-or-less given up hope of ever seeing him live, resigned myself to DVDs, but she got both of us a ticket to Birmingham for his concert there, and it was amazing. Mindblowing. It was every thing I wanted and hoped and wished it to be. Billy is a huge, wonderful dork; his voice is much deeper now than it was; The Downeaster "Alexa" is amazing live; there is nothing like an entire concert hall singing the chorus to Piano Man; and Only the Good Die Young is best live, with your girlfriend pressed up behind you, both of you singing along at the top of your voices. It was, in short, an experience.

Malta was warm and clammy, diving was fun, and have I mentioned that I think my girlfriend is amazing? It was a good vacation, a really *good* vacation.

And seeing Sofie was fun, as always. Can I just say that she is one lady with wonderful taste in films? And kinks, as a general rule. It was so much fun having her stay, and - in case I didn't mention it - it was so nice to have you there for me the first night after getting home.

I ♥ all of you, but haven't caught up with my friends page at all; I may do so in the next couple of days, but if there's something you think I should know, post it in comments.

♥

Oh, and in case anyone was wondering: I've got a place at Lancaster University doing English Literature and History. Yay!

So, Freya and I have decided to just be friends for a while.

And yeah, that hurts, but I think it may be the best thing for both of us right now.

And I feel the need to point out that Freya and I'll still be talking and so on, so gossiping about one of us to the other is a bad, bad idea ;-)

*hugs f-list* You've all been wonderful.

Today at school was crap. Not just because I acted exactly like what I'm trying not to be - an anti-social bookworm who just doesn't care (think iPod blasting, hood up, head in book even going down the stairs) - I also managed to get utterly enraged already in my first class. See, I figure that wanting a wide berth the day after my girlfriend leaves, that's not unreasonable, right? And, I know I'm weird, but I also like being able to state my own opinion and not get ragged on for it.

( rant cut for the faint of heart )

I always forget how it feels in the beginning of the school year - like you've forgotten everything and your head is filled with fluff. Not that today was particularly terrible, class-wise, but boy did I feel stupid in history. Ugh. Me and the Middle East, post Old Testament? Not nessecarily a good mix. In any way.

I still miss Freya. I can't help thinking if she'd been here, David wouldn't have bothered me so much. Might call her tomorrow.

Speaking of, which CDs did you want me to send you? <3

Onto lighter things - Jurassic Park III. Dinosaurs! DINOSAURS! I swear, dinosaurs make me about *five* again, I want to skip off and buy like dinosaur pencil cases and pencils and erasers and small plastic dinosaurs and a stuffed triceratops1 and yay! It makes me sad that I'm not living in England any more - if you're ever in London, The Natural History Museum is a must see. Seriously. Best dinosaur department ever! I've been going there ever since we moved to England, and I loved the dinosaur exhibit. Even last time we were there, I spent about three hours in there.

So anyway. Jurassic park III. Dinosaurs! Homoeroticism! Cheesiness! Super-Intelligent kids! Mwahahaha. So incredibly good. In an incredibly terrible way.

Anyway, tomorrow I have work. I suppose that'll be quite nice actually - I wonder if Jonas can even remember me anymore. Just think - he's three now. I've been babysitting him a little over two years. That's so weird.

Anyway. I am going to bed to hope tomorrow might be better. After all, what's not to love: P.E. and art, huzzah < /snarkiness >. At least the last class is Social Studies, a vague bright light in the darkness of tomorrow.

I mean.Seriously. Fucking *art*.

1 all things I have at one point owned. In some case several of them

So. I am more-or-less packed, I need to get nasal congestgants tomorrow, stuff in Freya's gift and pack my computer, and I'm good to go. *wibble* I always get all angsty the day before - I have this whole 'OMG what if she doesn't LIKE me anymore' worry, which makes it hard to sleep, but what the hey, I get to see (and kiss, and touch and tmi-ness) Freya tomorrow, and that's wonderful, amazing and fantastic, even with the angst.

Of course, because I am going to see Freya tomorrow and my period stopped today, my body had to drop something else on me - it's fun like that. So I'm sick. Yup, sick. Sneezing, sniffling and with a sore throat. Only bonus of this? Freya likes deep voices.

I have had so much lemon juice and honey tea that I never want to see a lemon again in my life. Also, my ears should feel free to become unstuffed at any time. Memo to self: One more glass of tea and then two painkillers before bed. Ergh.


Of course, there is a reason I'm not in bed, and that reason is that I need to put my thoughts down regarding Merchant of Venice while they're still fresh. Yes, ladies and gentleman, I did finally see Merchant of Venice today.

And lo, it was good.

( It's a 400-year old play, and I'm cutting for spoilers. Yes. )

Wish me a good journey - I hope you all have a lovely week/vacation!