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I think there must be some kind of problem with me; I am drawn towards really crappy English TV-shows like, like a magnet draws iron. Or something. And now I'm into Skins, which I am being mocked for by Gemma already, but it's kind of addictive - or certainly, the Emily/Naomi storyline is. I mean, sure, it's just another coming-out story, but it's really well executed and just so...realistic? And Emily such an awesomely sweet character and hot and also, a box of fannies. I kind of - actually, it mostly makes me very, very happy I'm not a teenager anymore, and that I've always been very sure of my sexuality (at least, I've never had doubts about liking fannies. I waver on the male issue).

Also, I've been listening to Mads and Monopolet so much that I'm turning it into a fandom. Skins is preferable to this, as Danish fandoms only end in tears, or rather, in really weird fanfiction scenarios.

Also, also, internets, why so low on Regeneration fanfiction? I want to read more about Rivers and Sassoon, and as my biographies and Ghost Road are in England, I look to the internet. And no help. This, I feel is not fair.

1. I just had the most ridiculous Easter lunch where, among other things, my cousin tried to drink his own weight in beer to prove that my dad had bought too little (...I know), my brother discussed intimate hair-dos, my uncle decided to declare he's a lesbian, I held a mini-lecture on the uselessness of Derrida, and we concluded that the global finacial crisis is nothing compared to the past couple of seasons for my brothers' football team.

Please tell me that this isn't just my family?

Oh, and we also discussed racism in Disney movies.

2. I keep having World War I related dreams. Not only have I had Siegfried Sassoon's shell-shock dreams (which is awkward enough), but I keep dreaming about trenches and Very lights. I haven't even started my essay for The Great War yet. This, I feel, is not promising.

2a. I have been scribbling notes for my essay everywhere though, and am beginning to regret only have 5000 words for this.

2b. Oh, I went to Dublin with Gemma (which was amazing - good Lord, Irish food!) and we stumbled over the most brilliantly twisty little bargain bookstore right near the university. We were both utterly enamoured of it anyway - and that was before I accidently knocked into a bookshelf and a biography of Sassoon dropped onto my foot - for 5 euros. Now we think it may be a magic bookshop, and wish we'd thought to want the entire Discworld series in hardback (though arguably that would have pushed us over our baggage limit).

3. In an effort to not do any useful work, I am currently working my way through the Tintin series (this is...somehow relevant. Or it will be, since I've managed to get just about everything else I've read and watched recently to be at least vaguely related to World War I - something of a task when it comes to Discworld, but hey, I manage). Naturally, this means that I am also sticking my toe into the fandom, which has fabulous things like this article and this, Ulysses, which is kind of amazing. It's not a big fandom, but hey, the old comics are brilliant enough on their own. Still: oh, internets.

3a. Hey, speaking of fandom, how much do I love that "Mads og Monopolet" (a Danish radio show) had a discussion about Harry Potter slash, wherein all of the commentators were totally awesome about it, and said it seemed like a creative and fulfilling hobby. THIS IS WHY DANISH RADIO IS FOR THE WIN, people. Also, because they discussed porn-for-women, and the brilliance of written porn. ♥

4. I've got the door open, Aerosmith up loud and no one else home. \o/ It's almost summer, you guys!

So, I seem to be reading due South fic and panicking about the future. It's all very 2006 around here.

I am desperately tempted to buy the last season of due South as I lost all my original episodes when my first external harddrive crashes (may I take a moment to note that no one ever warns one that this could happen? Oh, no, it's all "back it up on the external harddrive, in case your computer crashes!" but not word one about what you're supposed to do when your external harddrive dies?). I have neither time nor money to get into it right now, and yet it is desperately tempting, because due South is a lovely, happy place for me and right now I miss it. I do love the fic and the fandom, but occasionally, I crave the episodes. I'm particularly wanting "Mountie on the Bounty" right now, or maybe "Odds", or "Say Amen" or "Call of the Wild". I just... so many of the other shows I watch - I'm thinking specifically of Doctor Who and Being Human - are, for all their humour, kind of Tragic and Deep and Meaningful with intentional caps. Whereas due South is nothing in caps, except mayve Awesome, and it moves me and makes me happy and I miss it.

I also have an irrational urge to write Wilde RPS. This is all entirely the fault of Pat Barker and her stupid Regeneration trilogy and it's stupid queer subtext. By which I mean: I am re-reading the books for my "Great War" module; they are possibly actually better than I remember them. The relationship between Rivers and Sassoon, especially, got to me this time, in a way that it didn't the first time I read through it - particularly in the last scene between them, when Rivers is warning Sassoon about the Black Book. Oh my heart! (As an aside, this also makes me go, Oh my heart!: Sassoon’s description of the doctor in 'Sherston’s Progress', lingering as it does on Rivers’s warm smile and endearing habits- he often sat, spectacles pushed up on forehead, with his hands clasped around one knee- suggests that it was more than liking he felt. And privately he was rather franker, telling Marsh, whom he knew would understand, that he ‘loved [Rivers] at first sight.’ Damn it all, Sassoon, I don't want to like you this much.) But the book in general - there are so few aspects of it that don't hit some fiction kink of mine, it's kind of ridiculous. It's one of the few books that manages to make me laugh and think and get ridiculously angry and morose. And I get to write about it. \o/

How, however, does this equal wanting to write Wilde RPS? Mostly, this is Michael Sheen's fault for being in the Guardian so much in the past week. Paired with Robert Ross's presence in Regeneration (hovering in the background like some sort of spectre of persecution), I've had this huge urge to write about Robbie Ross being haunted by Wilde. Why this does not already exist, I do not know, though I must say I am most disappointed by the internet in this instance. It needs writing, because - as we all know - ghosts are really just figments of our own imagination (except perhaps Bob Fraser...) and Robbie would remember him as he was before Reading, even if it hurt; he'd have the laughing, camp Oscar, and it would be inappropriate - the World War 1 raging outside - but at the same time it would be so needed, and it would allow for those things that hadn't been said yet; the apologies that Oscar owed him and he, maybe, owed Oscar.

I have a feeling that at the end of this narrative, Robbie dies. Which brings me right back to why I need to get my filthy hands on some episodes of due South.

For a in many ways bad day, today really made me realize how much I love my department and my university and my stupid lecturers. I (somewhat inevitably) ended up crying in my seminar today, and so my lecturer (awkwardly, my favourite lecturer ever, who was my first tutor in first year) pulled me aside, and basically did everything he could to make life easier for me - he gave me an extension on my essay, told me not to worry about falling behind on reading, and assured me that I could catch up - and then he basically all but ordered me to seek help, and reccomended me a doctor. And it was just so stupidly nice to have an adult telling me that I'd be okay; I really appreciate the support I get from my friends and all, but it's different having an adult tell you these things.

So now I'm embaressed that I cried in front of a lecturer, and yet oddly happy, because, well, my university is lovely.

(And today I really wanted to talk about the awesome that is Being Human and the comfort food that is Star Trek, but instead, have more of my crazy!)

I've listened to this song six times in a row now. It's ridiculously soothing and suits my mood kind of perfectly. I love the gentleness of the Zulu words particularly - they sound so...sweeping.

Today's weird. It was mostly normal until I curled up to read The End of the Affair. It's cold outside and the snow's still coming down, and I've been reading as the light fades, meaning that my room is mostly dark, just my bedside lamp lighting up enough to read. It is so quiet, so - unreal, almost - so peaceful in a rather sad way. I don't want to leave my bed; even though I know that part of the reason I feel so sad, so melancholy right now is because of the dark, because I feel so far away from the rest of the house. But it's warm here, and quiet, and I think I'll stay a little bit longer.

Two weeks ago, I was accepted onto Sussex University's Gender Studies MA. So far, six people know: a guy from my course, R, my parents, Bean and Gemma. I'm feeling very ambivalent about it. I am pleased to have got in; the course has everything I want and the department is the best in the country. Still, I don't particularly like Brighton, the town the University is nearest, and I feel like moving to a smaller city, with a university that's further from the city, is just the opposite of the wishes I set out for myself. Three months ago, I was going to be in Newcastle with Gemma; now I'm at the opposite end of the country, and Gemma will probably be at a university nearby, but not that near.

I know it's just a year. I know. But a year breaks down into a lot of days, and right now, I think I need to be sad about what I thought I wanted, before I can be happy about what I want now.

I have made sweet potato pie! And rolls! I feel so domestic - today I cleaned and cooked and baked, and it was amazingly nice. It felt really good and active; like I achieved things (things that made other people happy and warmed up my house!). I did also create a mini-anthology of World War I poetry, but in the grand scheme of things, cooking is much more exciting.

I also read Stargate: Atlantis fic (Nunc Dimittis - Rodney is a monk and John is a wayward knight, and OH MY, how much do I love medieval AUs? Medieval AUs that take place in monastries!) and watched seven episodes of Darkwing Duck while cooking and why can't every day be like this? For serious. I could get behind that.

(However, tomorrow I need to finish reading Jude the Obscure - current front-runner in the category worst literary characters ever - and buy and read Endgame, as well as fill out several funding forms for masters funding and current SU funding and possibly clean my room. I also need to book a table for Friday - my second anniversary,yay! Also, as of tomorrow, there's two weeks until I get my grades. I want them now, curse the English department!)

But until then, I am going to eat sweet potato pie, listen to Working on a Dream and feel calm. mmm, yes.

( Pointless Procrastion, Icon Edition )

Now, off to make up more reasons why I want to do a Masters. SEND HELP.

So, my dissertation is in editing and Gemma's gone home after being up for two days (New Year's was really nice - just us, a lovely dinner and watching movies all night. It was kind of *exactly* what I needed), and because of this, I have had time to read a little bit of Yuletide fic. And I have compiled recs!

First, written for me: Seeking Comfort - Fried Green Tomatoes, Ruth/Idgie, R. I got sex and coming together and such a beautiful characterization of Idgie. And a take-charge Ruth, which you know is canon.

And then five (mostly) happy recs to go with:

Becoming a Lesbian: Megan Bloomfield's Guide for Cheerleaders - But I'm a Cheerleader, Megan/Graham, R. Because I never knew how much I wanted this fic until I read it. Perfect Megan, perfect Graham and, best of all, perfectly the surreal world of the movie. It's just a sweet, happy read, with some laugh-out-loud lines.

The Thin Man Takes a Husband - Donald Strachey Mysteries, Donald/Timothy, R. Hot and plotty and from Tim's point of veiw. A bit sappy towards the end, but then again. It's Timmy.

Tokens of Affection - Hot Fuzz, Danny/Nicholas, R. Christmas-themed without being sappy, and involving the entire precinct, and just ridiculously engaging and charming.

Ribbons and Lace - Neil Gaiman - Stardust, Victoria/Louisa, PG. Just. If Neil Gaiman had entered in Yuletide and written this, I wouldn't be completely shocked. It fits so well and I really like the idea of focusing on Louisa (and also Victoria, since she got ridiculously slighted in the film.) Gorgeous.

On the Doors to Paradise - The Bubble, Ashraf/Noam, PG-13. Okay, first you need to go watch the movie, as this takes place post-movie and I don't want to spoil you. Go on. I'll wait. It is so very much worth the price of the DVD; it has great acting, charming characters and - I don't even know how to describe the plotline, except good, and hot and heartbreaking for so many reasons. Then, come back and read this, and you'll understand that this needs to be canon.


In case you were wondering what I wrote: Names, Navigation and Other Issues Rising Aboard the Caspartine. I still can't believe I wrote Stardust (movie) slash.

And now I really should get to bed, as I am due into work tomorrow. Which should be fun, but at least housemate J and I may be sharing a shift.

Where's my DVD, Amazon? I was promised a DVD today, and I upheld my part of the cosmic bargain - 5219 words, baby - and now I want my boykissing. NOT ON AMAZON!

Speaking of my dissertation - it's still sans conclusion, which is fun. I figure it's easier to edit first and then, when I'm really sure of what I've actually written, my conclusion will be easier to write. Right? Someone back me up here? I am a bit worried that I will have to lose something important to make room for my conclusion - or, rather, I'll have to lose one of my pet points. Or some of the theory - I love all my stupid sociology notes.

However! Today I have to entertain R (and possibly cook dinner, which seems like a lot of work right now) and then tomorrow's New Years, so unless I burn the midnight oil again like last night, I won't be doing any work until the 2nd. Hmm.

Now! To email Newcastle and ask if an English degree is good enough to do gender studies. Busy busy, people!

Merry Christmas to all who celebrate, and happy December 24th to those who don't!

(My mother's singing along to Last Christmas in the kitchen, my brothers are watching yet another Simpsons Christmas Special, and my step-sibs are picking out their clothes ♥. There are several signs that this Christmas may yet end in chaos, but right now? I'm very happy & content.)


♥