ink_splotch | (no subject)

So, um, Alexander.

Anyway! Tess and I went to see Alexander today. Can I start out by expressing my deep joy of the fact that we saw it together and not with non-fandom, non-slashers? Very well then.

I think the movie by and large got unreasonably bad critique. Colin wasn't as great as one might have hoped, and yes, it did drag a little around the battle in India. And oh, what the fuck was up with Anthony Hopkins? Pshaw. Could have done without that, though, of course, it did allow dear Mr. Stone to put in one unanswered conspiracy. Good for you, Oliver!

Making It Easier: a quick character run through

Alexander - played by Colin Farrell (and Jessie Kamm and Connor Paolo) who did an average job with fairly average lines will no doubt get nominated for an Oscar. Had awesome chemistry with Olympias (disturbing) and Hephaestion (woobie!love). I liked the younger version of him better (Connor Paolo); that was an adorable kid and he acted really well. Also looked like the love child of Dominic Monaghan and Colin Farrell. Boy will grow up to be hella pretty.

Olympias - played by Angelina Jolie who would like an Oscar to add to her shelf. And deserves one, if you ask me. She was hot, sexy, pretty and damn creepy; she was obviously manipulative of all around her, devoted to her son even as she exploited him to her gain. Believes she's related to Achilles. Gods, she was awesome.

Phillip - played by Val Kilmer. Had majorly creepy scene in caves which was also quite awesome. Generally a bastard, though also quite well respected. Married a Greek princess, Euraydice, who bore him a son. Was killed quite early in Alexander's life (in a rather confusing and ill-placed flashback).

Ptolemy - played by Anthony Hopkins. Narrator of the story. Mostly piss irritating to the point where I repeatedly wanted to tell him to shut up. Fought along side Alexander and later got Egypt, after Alexander's death.

Hephaestion - played by Jared Leto. Had me reconsidering my lesbianism for a few moments there. Very pretty. Obviously in love with Alexander. Didn't get to do much else than be in love with Alexander. Looked too pretty while dying.

Roxane - played by Roasario Dawson. Spent a good deal of her screen time nekkid. Almost raped by Alexander, almost killed Alexander. Obviously, it's love. However, Dawson did well with what little character was attributed to her.

Bagoas - played by Fransisco Bosch. Always in the background. Very good dancer. Alexander's lover and gets on screen Alex!kiss. Eunuch. More furniture than actual character.

Aristotle - played by Christopher Plummer. There to give us a lesson on love, life and to do a whole lotta Alex/Heph foreshadowing. Also there so Alexander can ridicule him for the rest of the movie. First showed us map of lands later conquered by Alexander. Also mentioned multiple times in my math book.

Stateira - played by Annelise Hesme. Mostly here because she caused the cutest line ever said and because she herself was very, very cute. Persian Princess.

Band of merry men - played by various. Prominent friends and leaders of Alexander's army who I can't be bothered to list. Split up his empire when he dies. Strange, mutinous flock.

Familial Relations: Or Medea and Oedipus

Hello, big stick of Oedipal complex. Was thwacked repeatedly by same. Down to his choice of wife, Alex is constantly attracted and repelled by his mother. They had frightening amounts of chemistry, which was both wrong and hot. Alexander is very obviously manipulated by his mother, and pulled in different directions by her and his father. She teaches him about strength, ruthlessness and snakes (no, seriously). Olympias dislikes almost all of Alexander's friends, disapproves of his choice of wife and semi-condones Hephaestion, though seems jealous of him in the beginning. She apparently had sex with Zeus, for she tells Alexander that he is the son of same. Best scene with them? The scene after Phillip's death, where they kiss. It's fucked up, but awesome and so well acted out. Olympias' reaction to Alexander's death was also incredible.

His father, Phillip, drinks too much, almost rapes his mother at one point and teaches him about mythology. My favourite scene with them is the cave scene, where Phillip explains the myths double-sided weapons of suffering and greatness. Val Kilmer scares me. Alexander and Phillip have an argument about Phillip's new marriage which ends with Phillip trying to disown Alexander.

Olympias and Phillip have a very strained relationship. Mostly because they hate each other. He marries a younger woman, because he learned NOTHING from reading Medea. She and he are subsequently killed, we are lead to believe, by Olympias.

Alexander has a sister whom we never see and he's very close with his horse, whom he was the only one who could tame.

But Didn't He Do Some Battle, Conquer Some Stuff?: And then there was blood

Bloody hell. Literally. Lots of blood, lots of impressive large scale scenes. Not completely LoTR greatness, but good. Oliver Stone gets weird during the battle in India, which is sort of cool, but also vaguely disturbing. The slow-mo Horse/Elephant battle scene was too long, drawn out.

The huge battle against Darius was interesting, a lot of focus on tatics, which was cool. Lots of blood. Lots of blood. A little bit of mutiny there.

I didn't pay enough attention to those scenes, I can see. Well, good excuse for a second veiwing.

What Was Up With The Hat?: or how to fight an Asian land war

I don't know. Honestly, if I were to try and take over Asia, I wouldn't wear a poncy hat that really obviously makes me a target. I also wouldn't fight in the desert. And I'd try to make my men stand out so I didn't accidently kill them. Just a thought.

Dude, The Slash!: or how subtlety sometimes is much hotter than explicitness

Oh. My. Goodness. Alex/Heph was so adorable and lovely. Their lines, and the way Hephaestion looked at him, and the massage scene and just, guh. I don't even mind that there weren't any explicitly shown kiss (there was one implied kiss on the hand, and a rather obvious kiss before Roxane entered). It was sexy. Sexy, I tell you. I could go on and on; tell you about the sweetness of their lines, the wonderful mythological hints, the obvious adoration, the intimacy, but you should go see it for yourselves. Go. Now.

There's also a good deal of text between Bagoas and Alexander. What?

So, Complete Waste Of Time?:

Not in the least. Much better than Troy, and I know a lot of you enjoyed that (then again, I really rather dislike it, so I may not be the most reliable source). So go, see. It is a little too long, and not all of it is perfect and wow, is the het sex scene disturbing and wrong, but it's good. It's fun and I can't wait for the DVD. It does have it's ridiculously over dramatic moments, flashbacks illy placed and some of it's themes are eye-rolling, but visually it's interesting, the acting is above average and the romance is so sweet. There are some lingual anachronisms, of course, but there's also an awesome use of art. Oh, and Sofie? Watch for the different languages in the beginning!

And hey, who knew the Macedonians spoke with Irish accents?

Current Mood: giddy
Current Music: The Whole Nine Yards

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

shubassdk.livejournal.com

Chris, you just captured the whole movie, right there. I felt all of these things, but I couldn't for the life of me remember it all, afterwards! I'm saving this to Memories right now!

Oh, and the part you wrote about the love between Alexander and Hephaistion? Made me all warm inside, all over.

I really want to see it again...

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