here i am, dancing on the ground
Feb. 12th, 2008 09:57 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
So, I'm kind of madly happy. I'm not entirely sure why, either, particularly because I've had moments of extreme malaise and worry about exams and my future during today, but it sort of passed during Medieval Lit (though I still say a lecture at 5 till 6 is unreasonably late), stuck between Becca and Phil and making stupid comments and jokes about religion (University: if you can't make fun of it, it ain't worth studying). Which is awesome, since it means that now I'm here, sleepy and quite content. Mmmmm. Even though I am vaguely missing Gemma, who's gone home for two days. It's not too bad, though, sort of a comfortable ache.
I mean, I'm still worried about my grades (which I don't get until next week and, I just - I've never felt so badly after an exam, and it's not really a comfortable feeling) and my thesis (because it's soon, really soon now, and I'm still not entirely sure what I want to write about: Fairytales and the Creation of Identity in The Book of Lost Things, The Function of the Fictional in The Book of the Duchess or something completely different, maybe to do with gender. And it's the fact that I don't feel like there's anyone in the faculty I could really go to to get help with this that's annoying me most of all, I think) and I still don't feel like I'm keeping up as well as I should be - I kind of feel like everyone else has a lot more terminology than me, or at least, it comes easier to them than it does to me, which is frustrating, particularly because I could be doing more work and I'm sort of...not.
Still, fuck it, I'm happy. I've got friends and Critical Theory and will quite possibly be able to do gender studies for my second Restoration essay, which would just be plain awesome.
A few weeks ago, I wrote a short story called 'The Storyteller', which I actually quite like. And now there's a creative writing competition at University and I am tempted. Very tempted. On the other hand, I am very awkward about showing something I like that isn't fandom related to anyone. Particularly this story, which is the first thing I've written since this summer and is , well, important to me. Also, I'm not sure it doesn't need editing, but I'm kind of sensitive about it - I don't really want someone to rip it apart. Dilemma.
Speaking of writing, I have about 1000 words of English Department fic, except it has completely departed the world of RPF and entered the world of original fiction (which is both exciting and odd) and also it is present tense. Which is...freaky. I'll probably end up changing it. Mostly I'm just kind of surprised I'm writing. It's both nice and frustrating because, well, as I was talking to Sofie about when she was here, I don't really think of myself as a writer. I think of myself as an academic writer (to a certain degree, anyway), but not a fiction writer. And yet, now it's as if something is working and I'm writing - not all the time, but sometimes. It's very strange.
It's also frustrating, because guess who hasn't started on her Restoration passage analysis yet? Oh, that would be me! (And it's due in in two weeks, why do I do this to myself?)
Oh! Finally, may I highly recommend Company of Liars? I got it from Gemma for our anniversary and it hooked me; it's about a band of travellers during the first year of the plague - a trader in sacred relics, a couple on the run, a deformed storyteller, a magician, two musicians, a healer and little girl who tells runes. It manages to be both a riveting, creepy story as well as interesting on a human level; the characters are compelling, the history well-researched and worked into the text (none of that exposition blather) and captures the sense of fear that the plague must have evoked believably. It's just really, really good and has an excellent narrative voice and a really awesome twist at the end. Very, very much recommended.
And now I should probably go to bed, so I am well-rested for tomorrow's day o'Torchwood. Mmm.
I mean, I'm still worried about my grades (which I don't get until next week and, I just - I've never felt so badly after an exam, and it's not really a comfortable feeling) and my thesis (because it's soon, really soon now, and I'm still not entirely sure what I want to write about: Fairytales and the Creation of Identity in The Book of Lost Things, The Function of the Fictional in The Book of the Duchess or something completely different, maybe to do with gender. And it's the fact that I don't feel like there's anyone in the faculty I could really go to to get help with this that's annoying me most of all, I think) and I still don't feel like I'm keeping up as well as I should be - I kind of feel like everyone else has a lot more terminology than me, or at least, it comes easier to them than it does to me, which is frustrating, particularly because I could be doing more work and I'm sort of...not.
Still, fuck it, I'm happy. I've got friends and Critical Theory and will quite possibly be able to do gender studies for my second Restoration essay, which would just be plain awesome.
A few weeks ago, I wrote a short story called 'The Storyteller', which I actually quite like. And now there's a creative writing competition at University and I am tempted. Very tempted. On the other hand, I am very awkward about showing something I like that isn't fandom related to anyone. Particularly this story, which is the first thing I've written since this summer and is , well, important to me. Also, I'm not sure it doesn't need editing, but I'm kind of sensitive about it - I don't really want someone to rip it apart. Dilemma.
Speaking of writing, I have about 1000 words of English Department fic, except it has completely departed the world of RPF and entered the world of original fiction (which is both exciting and odd) and also it is present tense. Which is...freaky. I'll probably end up changing it. Mostly I'm just kind of surprised I'm writing. It's both nice and frustrating because, well, as I was talking to Sofie about when she was here, I don't really think of myself as a writer. I think of myself as an academic writer (to a certain degree, anyway), but not a fiction writer. And yet, now it's as if something is working and I'm writing - not all the time, but sometimes. It's very strange.
It's also frustrating, because guess who hasn't started on her Restoration passage analysis yet? Oh, that would be me! (And it's due in in two weeks, why do I do this to myself?)
Oh! Finally, may I highly recommend Company of Liars? I got it from Gemma for our anniversary and it hooked me; it's about a band of travellers during the first year of the plague - a trader in sacred relics, a couple on the run, a deformed storyteller, a magician, two musicians, a healer and little girl who tells runes. It manages to be both a riveting, creepy story as well as interesting on a human level; the characters are compelling, the history well-researched and worked into the text (none of that exposition blather) and captures the sense of fear that the plague must have evoked believably. It's just really, really good and has an excellent narrative voice and a really awesome twist at the end. Very, very much recommended.
And now I should probably go to bed, so I am well-rested for tomorrow's day o'Torchwood. Mmm.
If you're Becca's left foot, and she's your right - am I your left hand?
Date: 2008-02-13 08:26 pm (UTC)Do you think it was my presence so close to the exam itself that stressed you out? Because, one, I'm really sorry about that and two, that means that we schedule it a bit better next year. Because there is *going* to be a next year, even if I have to sell my soul to the devil to get the money. *nods*
If you decide you can handle someone else's eyes on it, I would be very happy to read your short story this weekend. Just tell me what you need.
*laughs* Yes, present tense is so freaky, isn't it? I know I always get the heeby-jeebies. Or however that's spelled.
So... how did your anniversary present go?
Well, you're kind of my conscience already, but if you want to be my left hand...:-D
Date: 2008-02-13 08:33 pm (UTC)No, I think not studying enough and not being interested in the topics I needed to be interested in stressed me out - though I was probably more tense than I should've been and didn't enjoy your company as much as I should. So next year, better planning! *grins*
I'd actually really like that. Just...be kind. Please? *puppy-eyes*
Present tense is just weird. But I think in it, so most of the time my writing is present tense as well. Most annoying.
It went well *beams* She seems really excited, and I can't wait, so yay!
Re: Well, you're kind of my conscience already, but if you want to be my left hand...:-D
Date: 2008-02-13 08:41 pm (UTC)True. True. And you know what would be fun? If, when I get my own place (which will be in, oh, about never, according to the waiting lists) you visit *me*, I cook for you and take you places and pamper you and stuff. That would be nice.
Always. I'll be very, very sweet, and I promise to be honest, too.
Present tense is the... okay, I can't actually think of a good metaphor, but I'm sure you can figure it out. In other words, agreeing with you!
Fantastic! *beams*
Re: Well, you're kind of my conscience already, but if you want to be my left hand...:-D
Date: 2008-02-13 08:51 pm (UTC)That would be awesome. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you!
Seriously. Thank you.
*beams back*
Re: Well, you're kind of my conscience already, but if you want to be my left hand...:-D
Date: 2008-02-13 08:55 pm (UTC)*snuggles*
Re: Well, you're kind of my conscience already, but if you want to be my left hand...:-D
Date: 2008-02-13 09:10 pm (UTC)Re: Well, you're kind of my conscience already, but if you want to be my left hand...:-D
Date: 2008-02-13 09:13 pm (UTC)*beams at you*
Re: Well, you're kind of my conscience already, but if you want to be my left hand...:-D
Date: 2008-02-15 01:28 pm (UTC)Baaa.
Date: 2008-02-14 12:54 am (UTC)I wish i hadn't! and the one after looks worse! The horror the horror...
Re: Baaa.
Date: 2008-02-14 09:06 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-02-14 11:00 am (UTC)(also, Tosh and Owen talk about going on a date. and he is /lovely/ to her. )
(no subject)
Date: 2008-02-15 01:29 pm (UTC)