ink_splotch

Sounds like a rather well supported theory, really, cos it's quite true. I went through (am still going through, technically) with lots of fighting with myself and going as against everything as I can, because I don't want to be another teenage fuck up. I've only got two friends left that haven't completely gone off the deep end with drug abuse and premiscuous sex and getting piss drunk at every opportunity. So now I've forced myself to believe that I wouldn't turn out like that, and I kept pushing myself further and further away from the "norm" and how I'm "supposed to be" and now I'm so far out that sometimes I even forget who I am at all. And that's not fun. The only times I finally relax are with books and music and movies and friends, so, y'know. And it's so ironic cos this is what I had initially wanted from the beginning -- isolation so I wouldn't be influenced. And now I'm not so sure that it was a great plan and it's a bit too late for that. A tiny part of me thinks part of my reason/logic for moving so far away is being able to start off in a new country with new faces and new everything. But that's only a silly part of me, really. Does any of this make sense? It does in my head.. but.. welllll..

Oops. I'm sorry for kind of pouring my heart and soul into all that. Didn't mean to bombard you with all this. *hugs*

(And the even more ironic thing is most of the time, I really am quite happy with my life and love my friends and family more than I can express. It's just silly times when I realize I'm kinda messed. But aren't we all?)

For listening to me rant, you win a prize: a free pretty song, called Exhibit 13 by the Blue Man Group. http://download.yousendit.com/2B31B4B14CF18AE8