and i'm laying out my winter clothes
Dec. 18th, 2007 03:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ink_splotchGemma went home this morning. I'm going home tomorrow. Becca, Cathrine, Roisin and Ros have all gone home already. I guess it's the end of 2007.
I'm not even remotely packed, it's a little ridiculous. I haven't even emptied out my backpack, and my bus leaves at 10.15 tomorrow. But I kind of can't deal with the idea that I don't have to pack up my entire life into little (well, huge) boxes and store it somewhere while I'm back in Denmark. It's like realizing I've moved away from home all over again, except weirder still, because I've not just moved out, but I've really moved in somewhere as well. This is my room - it's not just some room where I store my stuff, it's *mine*. No one else will be in it over Christmas - nothing will be touched.
I have a room. I have a home. I'm not sure I can deal with this - I'm not sure I can be this grown-up. Actually, this whole year, looking back, has been about becoming a grown-up in a multitude of ways and hi, I'm the girl who's at university so she doesn't have to grow-up! I am a shining example of a peter pan complex in academia, so how does it work that I suddenly have a home and a job and bills and a girlfriend and a group of friends and I cook for myself and can host a dinner party and this year is messing with my head.
And the thing is, the worst, stupidest, silliest thing is that I like it. I mean, obviously not the bills and not really work, but I like the other things. I like that I have this weird, lovely, happy, silly, romantic relationship which needs work, sure, but just *happens*; I like that I can cook and clean and competently take care of myself; I like that I can finance my own life almost - I hardly need economic support from my family; I like that I can talk to people - to my housemates, to my coursemates. I like that I have this whole life, this weird, stressful, grown-up, silly life, these days that rush by me and leave me content. It's weird and frightening and so good. Like, maybe I can do this.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to further procrastinate on my packing.
ETA: I just went to close my window and saw Tom and Tamsyn kissing in the kitchen with Chris cuddled up on the couch with his Wii. I don't know if I've mentioned it, but I love this house.
I'm not even remotely packed, it's a little ridiculous. I haven't even emptied out my backpack, and my bus leaves at 10.15 tomorrow. But I kind of can't deal with the idea that I don't have to pack up my entire life into little (well, huge) boxes and store it somewhere while I'm back in Denmark. It's like realizing I've moved away from home all over again, except weirder still, because I've not just moved out, but I've really moved in somewhere as well. This is my room - it's not just some room where I store my stuff, it's *mine*. No one else will be in it over Christmas - nothing will be touched.
I have a room. I have a home. I'm not sure I can deal with this - I'm not sure I can be this grown-up. Actually, this whole year, looking back, has been about becoming a grown-up in a multitude of ways and hi, I'm the girl who's at university so she doesn't have to grow-up! I am a shining example of a peter pan complex in academia, so how does it work that I suddenly have a home and a job and bills and a girlfriend and a group of friends and I cook for myself and can host a dinner party and this year is messing with my head.
And the thing is, the worst, stupidest, silliest thing is that I like it. I mean, obviously not the bills and not really work, but I like the other things. I like that I have this weird, lovely, happy, silly, romantic relationship which needs work, sure, but just *happens*; I like that I can cook and clean and competently take care of myself; I like that I can finance my own life almost - I hardly need economic support from my family; I like that I can talk to people - to my housemates, to my coursemates. I like that I have this whole life, this weird, stressful, grown-up, silly life, these days that rush by me and leave me content. It's weird and frightening and so good. Like, maybe I can do this.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to further procrastinate on my packing.
ETA: I just went to close my window and saw Tom and Tamsyn kissing in the kitchen with Chris cuddled up on the couch with his Wii. I don't know if I've mentioned it, but I love this house.
