The Banal, Bizarre and Downright Barmy

[ink_splotch]

WTF IS WRONG WITH RUSLANA? How did we VOTE for her?!

Ahaha, Terry: The Entrance of the Unfortunate (about the hosts)

Two seconds later: STOP SPEAKING! (because it wouldn't be Eurovision without Terry's disbelieving laugh in the background)

There are. No words. For the crappiness of the hosts. And I say this as a Danish person, after all.

Hey, it's Hungary and the Riverdancers. And she can't sing. The dancers are pretty awesome though. But dear God, she's tone *deaf*. Of course, they'll get plenty of votes just for the dancers. And for being a former USSR country.

Why does she only have one pantleg? It boggles the mind. As does the carni paint on the dancers.

Snark, Terry, snark! Traditional English writhing and screaming, yes.

Well, she's pretty sexy. Too bad she and the melody are off doing seperate things. Okay, she thinks she's Beyonce (why would anyone want to be?) and I don't particularly like the song. *thumbs down*

You know, I'd make a comment about repressed Brits here, but honestly. It makes itself.

Aww, Terry gets all nostalgic for when they last had it. *pets*

Malta's singer is damned good. However, the audience thinks so too, so I could be wrong. Very wrong. Or distracted by her dress. It's very...pink.

Sweet, but rather blah.

Oooh, Romania. Another semifinalist. Oooh, Stomp!Boys. And the one that looks slightly like adult!Aaron Lohr. Which is actually why I like this song. The Stompness and Wannabe!Aaron. The song itself is rather...well, she, like most Eurovision finalists, has a problem with the whole singing thing.

Ahahaha, mock the Norwegians, Terry, c'mon. "They seem such a calm, happy people, but there must be an insane side to them."

"Glam rock returns. Freddie Mercury must be spinning in his grave."

See, I still don't like this song. It sounds like a mix of every hair band ever in the seventies/eighties. It also makes me want to drag out the Velvet Goldmine dvd I don't have to remind myself that glam rock can be sexy. Also, just to see Christian Bale. I mean, what?

TURKEY! I <3 Turkey, they're usually pretty good. Have I mentioned I'm going to Turkey this year?*squees*

See, Turkey can pull the whole Asian heritage thing off because, well, they have it. The rest of us? We don't. And we should stop trying.

The melody and music is good. Her singing less so. I'm hardly surprised.

Oooh, it's Tess' grandmother song. Jesus, I'd never noticed his banner is pastede on yay! This is such a fun song. Not good, but untraditional and fun. Actually, I've yet to see the "traditional" Eurovision song contest entry this year. Hmmm. Wait, no, that's Sweden. Forgot about them for a moment. All right, Molodva's song can end now. Yes, yes, grandmother drumming, bla bla.

Albania, and Terry doesn't want to hear anymore drums again. Ever.

Right. Okay.

Dear Europeans;
Sing in your own language if you're more comfortable in it. Accents when singing - not always sexy. Being unable to pronounce words, using incorrect grammar, and not being able to conjugate? Never ever sexy. Well, Newsies is an exception. Apart from that.
Much love, Chris

PS. Terry, the Albanian girl isn't sexy, pretty or hot. Stop drinking.

Well, it was creative enough. Love the collars.

Cyprus! And, wow, I actually like this so far. Well, okay, until he started singing, I liked it. And that man is not straight. But that's beside the point. I love the girl here, she's gorgeous and he voice is nice. And why do they have sticks now? Ah, better to pelvic thrust with. We need a good assasination. Right, sorry, Cyprus. Glitter's made it's appearance onstage.

Spain. That's different. In the sense of basically being Las Ketchup. Wait, when'd we get to number ten? Already? But it's only 21.45.

I love the dresses on the girls. Mmm, sexy and awesome. But boring song.

Israel. These postcards arwe astoundingly boring.

I do like this song. But then again, I'm a sucker for a ballad. She still can't quite reach all the tones, but she's passable. And her English is good, which I appreciate. Wouldn't mind if she won, out of all the songs so far.

Serbia Montenegro. WTF Terry, did you just say beat me to within an inch of my life? Surely it's not that...oh, drums. Poor dear. *pets*

Ahah, return of the gay. And look, the cheap man's Justin Timberlake.

You know, linedanicng and street clothes don't exactly mesh in my mind. But I do like men who sing at each other, so again with the letting it pass. And you know, linedancing aside, this song isn't at all bad. They're not good enough singers to pull it off, but as I may have mentioned, the slash makes me ignore it. Actually, it's a whole festival of slash. "Overexcited" hee, Terry.

Half way through and commercial break. Aww, the Latvians are terribly cute still. And Jakob looks good.

Ahahaha, stupid, stupid hosts. She was picked for her voice, he was picked for his lively personality.

DENMARK!! And Terry likes us *hugs Terry* Horrible pronounciation though. Aw, a terrific little song.

I still heart his voice like whoa. Hee, again with the pink. And the dancers! Gee, this is such a silly little song, but I heart it, yes I do. Ahhah, lame dancing. See, this song is fun? You know is the traditional fun way, not in the must mock way. Well, that too. Just a little. See, I think our problem might be that we're not Eurovision-y enough, we're just enjoyable, fun and good.

Oh God, Sweden. So should've been Alcazar. And no, there are no straight guys in Sweden. And no, this song isn't particularly good. See, what I like about the Danish song is that it's pretty original, in a small way. Las Vegas? Not so much.

Bla, bla, DID YOU KNOW THERE'S BEEN A REVOLUTION IN UKRAINE DID YOU? DID YOU?

The drums of FYR Macedonia are mocking Terry. And this song is still pretty bad.

...is he singing English? Really? Wow. And they're wearing yellow underwear again today, those back-up dancers. Hmm.

Ukraine's different. That's about it. Different. Crowd loves it though.

Germany. They're different too. But actually in a vaguely good way. Wait, I take tha bad. The chorus is just...wrong. Is she singing 'better off high'? Because I think I agree.

I *hate* this postcards. Stop it.

Croatia. Another language I have no grasp off. And why are there bagpipes? See, he just sound likes someone trying to sound Russian. Which is kind of hilarious in an unintentional way. Song isn't actually that terrible, though. Actually kind of good.

Greece is the favourite, and I think I see why. Attractive girl, pointless song, bad dancing, she sings better than last years winner - she almost a shoe-in, in her blandness.

I take back the bad dancing. Hee, it's actually all kinds of fun.

And we come to Russia, who usually suck and get lost of votes anyway. And this year looks no difference. The grammar hurts my ears. Mark my words, it'll end in the top ten anyway.

Bosnia. With an apparently nihilistic. OH MY GOD WHO LET ABBA LOOSE? I mean. There are no words. None. God, those dresses are FUGLY.

And we come to Switzerland. Who's song I can't remember. Oh, it's the cool vibes kill me etc. etc. song. There's something so Mary-Sue-ish about this song. Or maybe I need to get off deleterius.

Skippity, skip. Cute Latvian boys as soon as the postcard ends. They're still adorable like whoa. Particularly the one to the right. *happy flail* Singing to each other. *swoon* Yay, dorky sign language. Refugees from a boyband.

HEY. OLSEN BROTHERS!!

France, yes. Wait, is that the English girl again? Well, no, not quite. This is utterly, utterly uninspiring. Bla, bla, next. Wait! Can it be? This is the last song? OMG!

And the presenters are going to be boring and annoying and I need a drink. Orange juice, ya freaks.

Why do I do this to myself?