ink_splotch: (we're gonna have it all [friends])
I'm ill; I've been dizzy on and off for the past three days. I've got an appointment with a doctor tomorrow, but until then this is making me incredibly nervous. Someone please tell me I'm not having a stroke.

It's been a pretty weird week in the real world. I've been completely caught up in panicking about my dissertation (and changing the title for the 1100000th time, but I think I have it now. Hilariously, it's one of the earliest titles I considered. Still, it's about the journey, right?) and reading The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay(♥, oh Sam!) and taking care of myself and Gem (Gem's been suffering from a stomach complaint. We are a healthy pair.) Apparently while I've been doing this, I missed the drama of the house and only discovered yesterday that two of my housemates have broken up. It's getting to me rather a lot - I didn't expect it, and the way it happened isn't good. It turns out they haven't completely broken up, but they're taking time to think about it, yet from one party's perspective, I'm not sure they should get back together. Yet I really like both of them, so I feel like I should be rooting for it to all work out, you know?

Another thing about the break-up is that they've both gone home to think, which means it's just me and R left in the house. It's nice - she's the easiest person to talk to in the house and I adore her - but I miss the others. The house is way too quiet. Particularly I want C back; I miss just chatting with him in the kitchen about absolutely nothing. We haven't spoken much this term due to exams and general stress and now he's gone home for three weeks.

Also my iPod is broken. Because I feel like I haven't whined enough in this entry.

However! Bean's around for dinner, Gemma's calling tonight and until then I have Olli and Christian.

I can always start having a real life tomorrow.
ink_splotch: (we rule the school [coming-of-age])
Because I am a genius person, I almost dragged my bed down into the cellar today. I'd been told that the delivery date for my new bed (OMG YAY, new bed soon!) was tomorrow - however, a quick inspection of my email revealed that, actually, my bed isn't arriving until the 4th of June. Hurrah for double checking! (Albeit after I actually stripped my bed and cleaned my room in preparation for the new bed. So smart.)

Speaking of general genius, today was my first exam. It went as these things tend to - I felt like I could have written a lot more than I did, much more coherently than I did, but I feel like the problem is more the format of the exam, than my own performance. Yes, I suppose I could have done more work, but on the other hand, I knew what I was talking about, and I knew how to get it across. Just not in the time alloted to me. So it goes, and I've resigned myself to the possibility of getting a 2.2 for the course. I'm still hoping for a 2.1, but I can accept a 2.2.

The important thing is that now I can forget all about the Restoration period, and instead turn my mind towards my twin loves of Renaissance history and Sir Thomas More. And possibly also to medieval literature and the madness of Margery Kempe, which is proving rather more entertaining than it probably should be.

As if to reward me for surviving my exams, two rather wonderful pieces of fic appeared today on [livejournal.com profile] jpkieron; clearly someone somewhere loves me, because this is a fandom with notoriously bad writing in it. Blather about the fandom and glee about the source )

Unrelated to anything: I haven't been able to get We Rule the School out of my head for days now. I'm not sure what it is about it particularly that moves me so much, but I can't stop humming it over and over. In general, I'm obsessing over Belle and Sebastian - have been for the past three months, but it's flared up again quite dramatically during my revision and now the song is stuck in my head.

Some notes upon the watching of Eurovision )

Life, you guys. Life.
ink_splotch: ((let's fall in love) [a semi-epic?])
You know what? Stargate:Atlantis is still one of my favourite fandoms ever. No, seriously, you see, the cracky and wonderful AUs you find in SG:A are so, utterly perfect for reading during exams.

So! A few recommendations - all AUs, at least partially cracked.

Stuck on You - because your life is not complete until you've read the tale of two ice cubes in love.

I'm not even joking here.

The Epic Tale of Rodney & John, Two Girl Scout Cookies in Love - not only does it do what it says on the box, it also makes me want Thin Mints. And worry about cookie-on-cookie-sex. Something I was not made to ponder.


Wherein Rodney is an English monk and John is Danish - now with extra lit references, making the memory of last term's Old English that much less painful.


Restoration Hardware - where Rodney's working at a university and John is fixing the hole in the roof. Did I mention the university setting? And how much I love that?

***

Unrelated to SG:A, but related to exam stress and getting rid of same: It's not the sneaking around I get off on, it's you and other immortal lines from possibly the happiest episode these boys have had since they first kissed. Also, I am far, far too excited about the spoilers - people finding out! Admitting they love each other! Choosing between the Church and their relationship! Possibly being outed on the cover of a magazine! It's so damn soapy, and I just. CAN'T STOP WATCHING. Not even a little bit.

If you see my sanity around, send it back? I think I've lost it completely.

Also lost and wanted back? My social skills. What little I have seems to go out the window when I'm studying for exams, and can I just point out that my displacement issues? HUGE. I can't get stressed out about exams, but I can get stressed out about fictional characters' political affiliation and The Apprentice. I lead a special life, you know. A very special life.
ink_splotch: (No need to dream [otp])
My first exam is in 15 days. Ask me how much revision I've done.

Actually, don't. It's too depressing.

Speaking of academia, our special subjects have been assigned, and I'm doing 'Ibsen' in my first semester and 'The Great War' in my second. 'The Great War' was my first choice, so I'm pretty much overjoyed (Regeneration essay, here I come!), but as for 'Ibsen', I'm kind of disappointed - even though I shouldn't be, it's my own damn choice. I was just so into my first choice - 'Coming of Age in America' - because I'm all about narratives of adolescence, and I love American literature (in fact, at times I think I prefer it to English, certainly for historical contexts) and I wanted so badly to do Catcher in the Rye again, not to mention A Home at the End of the World, so. I don't know, it's just that the themes of adolescence - sexuality, identity, familial relationships, all that jazz - that's what I'm interested in, besides writing and storytelling as general themes (my second year essays, let me show you them). But at least with Ibsen, I can feel superior about being able to read the plays in the original. Not that I'm arrogant in the least. Or anything.

But, seriously, Catcher in the Rye. WANT.

On the bright side, I have finished my critical theory essay (seriously, I feel like I've been writing it forever now. Still, I'm okay with how it turned out, even if I'm not expecting anything special - it's a very straight forward, conventional essay, and I know some people are doing amazing things with theirs. It was fun to write, so who cares, really?); I have sorted out my economics for this month and, hopefully, next month as well; I've requested time off work for exams; I just had a delicious lunch with Gemma and the sun is still shining, which always helps. Life, on the whole, is pretty amazing.

Except for the special subject thing, the exam thing and the fact that my mother has bought a new puppy and I'm not at home to play with it. That's growing up for you, right?

Also, these spoilers for Hollyoaks are cheering me up, as is this clip from Brothers and Sisters. Oh, boys!
ink_splotch: (grabbing what happiness we can [happy])
1. So, yesterday I may have shrieked 'IN A CONFESSIONAL' loud enough for everyone in my house to hear me.

But, really - talk about ticking ALL my boxes. The confessional scene! The awkward no-we're-not-having-a-personal-conversation-in-public conversation! "I've never wanted anything so much"! Also, hello Kieron's collarbone! And hi, the kiss at the end? BOYS! GAH!

(I'm totally ignoring the first conversation they have, because it's silly. Very silly.)

2. Yesterday I went out, got drunk and had fake lesbian interaction with my Bean and K from our course. T'was awesome and needs to be repeated. (Have I mentioned that I love my coursemates? And that Bean and I are possibly the weirdest people in the world? In a good way. And that I HAVE NO SHAME? It's not good. Except for the part where it is.)

3. Exams? What exams? *whistles*

3a. Essays? What essays?
ink_splotch: (we're gonna have it all [friends])
Fab things:

1. My room is clean. Or at least tidy. Tidier. Okay, so my room no longer looks like a library threw up over it. Books in organized piles, FTW!

2. I have finished my critical theory essay! Which is to say, I've written 2000 words. Now, to the edit-mobile!

3. Doctor Who! Oods! )

4. M*A*S*H marathons on TV. Hi Trapper ILU. Still. The more I watch the first three seasons, the more the whole "Trapper-is-a-bastard" thing in fandom mystifies me. Trapper's lovely. ♥

5. Yesterday, in my house, we had E's brother and sister, T's sister, Mike and his housemate and Gemma. It was a lot like I imagine having a large ethnic family would be like. Except with a truly disgusting sense of humor.

It was brilliant.

6. BEAN IS BACK IN LEICESTER, YAY!

Not-so-fab-things:

1. Satire and Sensibility essay still stalling at 200 words and still made of fail.

1a. S&S is due in a week before CT. Oops?

2. Morte D'Arthur, presentation on. For Wednesday. I hope my tutor doesn't mind it being all about the War of the Roses and not at all about the book. Because the book sucks.

3. I have to go to work tomorrow. Which sucks. I've applied for jobs elsewhere, but no word yet. I just. I'm so bored and I don't even have nice co-workers to make up for it.

Also, the pay is lousy. Boo.

However, I am going to go and do my presentation now (possibly while watching M*A*S*H) and all shall be well with the world.

Also, did I mention? Becca's back in town! ♥!
ink_splotch: (i love paris in the summer [cities])
I'm back! Though not from outer space. Rather, from Bean's and from Paris. Both of which were amazing. Firstly, Bean's home is in this tiny village in the country - no, really, the country, rolling fields and village greens and everything. It's the type of place where, when you look out of the window, you half expect some lost Romantic poet to be rambling, perhaps stopping every once in a while to harass some part of nature with a poem. Absolutely beautiful, if at times a little scarily sweet. It's pretty much exactly as a non-English person would visualize England (and, for that matter, the English). I even went to church on Sunday, and that was fun and sweet as well. Of course, afterwards we went to have fondue and sit in a hot tub for the day, so it wasn't that weird. And it was awesome to see Becs again, even if she has now again deserted me for the great country of France.

Speaking of France - Paris! The trip was amazing, absolutely amazing; the only real problem was it was too short, so we didn't get to visit Pere Lechaise, for example, or the Bastille and the Opera. But Paris is such a gorgeous city, and being there with Gemma was just - it's what Paris is supposed to be, you know? Wandering through small streets and ducking into the small parks scattered throughout Paris, walking arm-in-arm by the Seine, sitting in the sun in the park at Notre Dame kissing and eating meringue. It was lovely, and I think we had quite a well-rounded trip, hitting all the big landmarks, but also managing to go down the small streets, eat in some "local" restaurants and visit some local coffee shops and bars (one in particular was awesome - it was underground! The drinks came with marshmallows! I was pleased.), and, of course, visiting Shakespeare and Company which was as beautiful and glorious and just lovely as you'd expect. It was an experience. )

The only thing that really kind of bugged me was Notre Dame - it's such a stunning building, but it loses a lot by having "walk-in" confessionals, a gift shop, neon lighting and hundreds of tourists snapping pictures. Den of thieves, anyone? Also, there was a concert Tuesday night, which we didn't realize until Wednesday, which was annoying.

But it was so good. It really was. And I'm so glad I went.

(speaking of Gemma, she is currently asleep in my bed behind me - she's home ill with a stomach bug and feeling guilty for not being at work. I know it's bad, but I'm kind of glad; it's so nice having her here, and I'm enjoying taking care of her (she is ridiculously undemanding and makes a big deal out of everything I do, which is very rewarding. Shallow, me?). And it's quite homey having her here. Even though it's also making me feel guilty for being on LJ rather than doing work.)

***

I feel like I'm waiting for something. Maybe because Paris has been the big thing I've been waiting for since January and now it's gone; maybe because I've an urge to write, but no discipline to do so; maybe because essays and exams are due in soon and need studying for and yet I'm not doing that; maybe because, I keep looking for books and trying to find the perfect one - you know that feeling, where you know it's there somewhere, but because you don't know exactly what you're looking for, you just know you'll know when you see it, it's oddly...not frustrating, but expectant? I feel like that, like something is about to happen or I'm about to do something, but I don't know what.

Either that, or the combination of Perks of Being a Wallflower and Belle and Sebastian is messing with my mind.
ink_splotch: (could be our everyday [home])
1. Morte D'Arthur would be infinitely more amusing to read if I were allowed to edit it as I read. There would be a lot of comments along the lines of: "Too much tell, too little show", "irrelevant to the plot", "repeating how much Gawain likes fruit eight times is just annoying" and "character development - look it up".

It is entirely possible that I am a terrible English student.

2. My dad and I have watched four hours of How I Met Your Mother today. We watched two hours yesterday. We are maybe a little bit hooked. (Also, my dad keeps going "The women! They have *hips*! When did they start allowing women with hips to be on TV?" which is very amusing. And, indeed, the women on HIMYM are really, really gorgeous. Mmmmmhmm.)

Also, the show is just awesome. And mostly angst-free! ♥

3. I've been having a huge craving for more Being Human the last couple of days. Why isn't there more? *dispairs*

4. I've managed to double book just about every day this holiday and so haven't managed to do a lot of things I should have done. Like book a time for my hair. This is becoming a bit of a crisis.

5. 10 days to Paris! 10 days until I get three completely work-free days! This should be de-stressing, except right now I'm kind of worried it won't be as awesome as I want it to be, or Gemma won't like it as much as I hope, and just, flail! And then I realize that it's three days with *Gemma*. How can it be anything but awesome?

5a. Well, it won't be awesome if I don't exchange my money. Like, before I leave Denmark, where I can do it without have to pay an exchange fee.

5b. PARIS OMG YOU GUYS I LOVE PARIS! ♥

6. Also, am going down to Becca's in eight days. It's kind of weird - being at uni, I very rarely actually see people's, you know, former homes and meet their families and all that. I'm oddly excited about that. Also, going to church!

7. Critical theory has just become awesome again. Seriously, Freud's essay 'The Uncanny' is possibly the best thing I've read in CT this year outside of gender and queer theory (and more interesting than certain aspects of those theories, as well). I am now in the novel position of actually wanting to write my essay.

It's quite a strange feeling.
ink_splotch: (marvellous adventure with you [girls])
1. I'm going on a date tonight! A proper pick-me-up-at-7-bring-flowers date! This is very exciting for me - I don't think I've been on one of those since, like, America. I know Gemma and I did have dates at the beginning of our relationship, but there were only really two, and those were is-she-interested-or-isn't-she not-quite-dates, so they don't really count. So, first proper date in a good five years! Yay! (Okay, so it probably not a proper date when it's with your girlfriend of over a year, with whom you are for all intents and purposes co-habiting, but that's very much Missing the Point)

1a. I should possibly actually buy those flowers at some point

1b. Oh god, what am I going to wear?

2. 600 words of Critical Theory report, oh yeah! Considering how much this report got to me, I'm quite pleased with the word count. Slightly less pleased that so far I've mostly discussed the linguistic side of the performative, rather the gender studies aspect I'm supposed to be discussing, but it's so much more accessible. So re-reading Butler is definitely necessary. But the important thing - I've started!

2a. One day I will learn that everything about critical theory becomes infinitely easier after talking it through with Becca. Hopefully next time I'll remember it before I have a complete freak-out about not understanding.

2b. Also, tutors are not the enemy. Particularly in critical theory, where my tutor is awesome and helpful and I really shouldn't be vaguely scared of him or tutors in general. No, really.

3. we do not speak of the dissertation.

3a. no, seriously. no speaking.

4. I got unreasonably excited in Medieval Literature today when I realized that Sir Gawain and the Green Knight could be read as a fairytale. And by unreasonably excited, I mean vaguely entertained.

5. What's new with you guys?

6. I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR, YOU GUYS!
ink_splotch: ((let's fall in love) [a semi-epic?])
Today's Big Questions:

- Could slash fanfiction be seen as Deconstruction or Post-Structuralism?

- Can chicken be baked in a casserole in the oven, or should you fry it first?

- Does this clip justify starting to watch Stargate: Atlantis?

- No, seriously, what do I want to do for my dissertation?

My life as a student, ladies and gentlemen. Also of interest today: I have decided to write my critical theory essay on Paris, Je T'Aime, either with relation to narratology or possibly deconstruction. Depending on whether or not I've actually understood deconstruction. My critical theory lecture this morning was on Frued applied to The Simpsons, which was exactly as awesome as it sounds. Also, I just spent half an hour talking about physics with Chris. I mean, I didn't understand much of it (only really the maths - Fibonacci for great justice?), but it was fun. Got to love the housemates (particularly because they are so predictable. Like when Becca and I saw them going into uni this morning as we were coming out - at least ten minutes late. Oh, house.)

Also, I just made myself a surprisingly nice sandwich and finished my textual analysis.

ETA:

"I just want to fuck you," Rodney amended a few minutes later. "I mean, my kink is—whatever, it's for you."

John would have rolled his eyes, but that would have meant opening them. "That's not a kink," he said.

"What are you: editor of the Dictionary of Sexual Deviance?"

"No," John said, and smiled against Rodney's shoulder. "I just contribute."


-- Ordinary Life
ink_splotch: (not stupid and docile [smart girl])
Q: Is there anything better than new books?

A: Time to read said new books, preferably with coffee, a blanket and Gemma.

In a fit of possibly Valentine's Day related madness, or possibly just plain madness, I bought myself Un Lun Dun which I've wanted for maybe six months now, and features sentient umbrellas and Cloud Atlas maybe possibly mostly for its cover and the way Gemma looked and me when she found it and said, 'you'll love this book.' (One does not doubt the Gemma when she makes these pronouncements. She is always right.) And then today, my books for uni arrived - Robinson Crusoe, Gulliver's Travels and Evelina, all for six pounds (yay for Penquin recyclables.)

Of course, I have to read Crusoe by Thursday, I still haven't really started my passage analysis (two pages of handwritten notes does not equal a coherent piece of work, self!) and the language part of my critical theory module is fascinating, but hardly something you can half-ass (if you look very closely, children, you can see the exact moment when trying to describe words using words makes Chris's head explode!) so I need to focus on that (and not think about Bahktin and The Realm of Possibility, because any analysis of that book will only end in tears) and I'm currently writing three things as well as trying to edit two stories.

This really should be more stressful than it is. Life really is kind of awesome.

Also, I watched Ratatouille with Gemma last night, and the ending is pure distilled joy in DVD form. I'm still all a-glee. Oh, Paris!
ink_splotch: (when i sleep i dream [run away])
So, I'm kind of madly happy. I'm not entirely sure why, either, particularly because I've had moments of extreme malaise and worry about exams and my future during today, but it sort of passed during Medieval Lit (though I still say a lecture at 5 till 6 is unreasonably late), stuck between Becca and Phil and making stupid comments and jokes about religion (University: if you can't make fun of it, it ain't worth studying). Which is awesome, since it means that now I'm here, sleepy and quite content. Mmmmm. Even though I am vaguely missing Gemma, who's gone home for two days. It's not too bad, though, sort of a comfortable ache.

I mean, I'm still worried about my grades (which I don't get until next week and, I just - I've never felt so badly after an exam, and it's not really a comfortable feeling) and my thesis (because it's soon, really soon now, and I'm still not entirely sure what I want to write about: Fairytales and the Creation of Identity in The Book of Lost Things, The Function of the Fictional in The Book of the Duchess or something completely different, maybe to do with gender. And it's the fact that I don't feel like there's anyone in the faculty I could really go to to get help with this that's annoying me most of all, I think) and I still don't feel like I'm keeping up as well as I should be - I kind of feel like everyone else has a lot more terminology than me, or at least, it comes easier to them than it does to me, which is frustrating, particularly because I could be doing more work and I'm sort of...not.

Still, fuck it, I'm happy. I've got friends and Critical Theory and will quite possibly be able to do gender studies for my second Restoration essay, which would just be plain awesome.

A few weeks ago, I wrote a short story called 'The Storyteller', which I actually quite like. And now there's a creative writing competition at University and I am tempted. Very tempted. On the other hand, I am very awkward about showing something I like that isn't fandom related to anyone. Particularly this story, which is the first thing I've written since this summer and is , well, important to me. Also, I'm not sure it doesn't need editing, but I'm kind of sensitive about it - I don't really want someone to rip it apart. Dilemma.

Speaking of writing, I have about 1000 words of English Department fic, except it has completely departed the world of RPF and entered the world of original fiction (which is both exciting and odd) and also it is present tense. Which is...freaky. I'll probably end up changing it. Mostly I'm just kind of surprised I'm writing. It's both nice and frustrating because, well, as I was talking to Sofie about when she was here, I don't really think of myself as a writer. I think of myself as an academic writer (to a certain degree, anyway), but not a fiction writer. And yet, now it's as if something is working and I'm writing - not all the time, but sometimes. It's very strange.

It's also frustrating, because guess who hasn't started on her Restoration passage analysis yet? Oh, that would be me! (And it's due in in two weeks, why do I do this to myself?)

Oh! Finally, may I highly recommend Company of Liars? I got it from Gemma for our anniversary and it hooked me; it's about a band of travellers during the first year of the plague - a trader in sacred relics, a couple on the run, a deformed storyteller, a magician, two musicians, a healer and little girl who tells runes. It manages to be both a riveting, creepy story as well as interesting on a human level; the characters are compelling, the history well-researched and worked into the text (none of that exposition blather) and captures the sense of fear that the plague must have evoked believably. It's just really, really good and has an excellent narrative voice and a really awesome twist at the end. Very, very much recommended.

And now I should probably go to bed, so I am well-rested for tomorrow's day o'Torchwood. Mmm.
ink_splotch: (i control the sun [martha])
Reasons Today is Totally, Totally Awesome:

1. Critical Theory and feeling like I'm seen a smart, competent student.

2. The sky outside right now; sunset in Leicester is for, whatever reason, always stunning and today is no exception. From my window the sky is a patchwork of pink, blue, gray, white and orange and slight, slight purple.

3. Al Gore and Brooklinegirl.

4. My seminar group of awesome, but also my seminar tutor made of awesome.

4a. Becca, having inappropriate conversations at random and quoting pornographic poetry (see: 5 + 5a)

5. Rochester and Johnny Depp in The Libertine and the lecture I had today on Rochester. I know I shouldn't like him, or at least shouldn't like him for the reasons I do, but man. The frankness, honesty and the levels of self-awareness in his work in contrast with the roles he plays and the distance he places between himself and his narrators.

'Do you like me now?'

5a. The Imperfect Enjoyment. The word fucking-post is also one of the reasons the world is awesome today.

5b. Snuggling with Gemma during the lecture, an oddly lovely counterpoint to the massive amounts of meaningless sex in the lecture.

6. The Song of Purple Summer - Brooke/Peyton, One Tree Hill; I love domestic fic that doesn't go overboard on the saccharine, yet manages to convey a sense of contentment and peace.

7. House of Physics!
ink_splotch: (learning to believe [gentle])
So, I'm a little worried about the fact that my current favourite works of Chaucer are The Prioress's Tale and The Book of the Duchess. Not so much the Book, because it is madly charming even if apparently it's "less literary" than the rest of his work or whatever, and I really like the narrative structure and the way it sounds when read aloud, not to mention the plot is intriguing, even if the characters aren't exactly sympathetic - and the Duchess really serves no point. Still. What I'm really worried about is the Prioress. Because that's a fucked up story, what with the whole child martyr thing and throwing of children in toilets and the mad, mad antisemitism. And yet I feel like there's a lot to say about it, in the way it kind of subverts itself and also in the idea of the powerless and dispossessed somehow being the righteous in the end.

Though I'm still kind of hoping to write my exam on the marriage cycle.

On a completely different note, I'm reading up on the policies of the president candidates, and why on earth would anyone need to buy 12 guns a year?

Weird rambling about friendship patterns. )

Also, it occurs to me that I only have two months before I'm supposed to declare my thesis subject. This is causing more panic than it should, since for one thing, I should be panicking about my exams (particularly since all I can remember from OE grammar is verbs and pronouns, which is okay, but hardly ideal. New Year's Resolution: Panic about the near future) and for another, I know what I want to do. The problem is, I'm not sure I'll be allowed. Boo.

However! Saw Oskar today; went to the French Book Café, which was lovely and quite pretentious - coffee, cakes and Edith Piaf, hurra! Also managed to purchase two sets of underwear, at cheap, cheap sale prices and the most beautiful shoes ever. They look like this except with higher heels. They're awesome and so comfy, they're almost distracting me from all my different lines of panic. Yay, shoes!
ink_splotch: (open your eyes to the world [wonder])
Gemma went home this morning. I'm going home tomorrow. Becca, Cathrine, Roisin and Ros have all gone home already. I guess it's the end of 2007.

I'm not even remotely packed, it's a little ridiculous. I haven't even emptied out my backpack, and my bus leaves at 10.15 tomorrow. But I kind of can't deal with the idea that I don't have to pack up my entire life into little (well, huge) boxes and store it somewhere while I'm back in Denmark. It's like realizing I've moved away from home all over again, except weirder still, because I've not just moved out, but I've really moved in somewhere as well. This is my room - it's not just some room where I store my stuff, it's *mine*. No one else will be in it over Christmas - nothing will be touched.

I have a room. I have a home. I'm not sure I can deal with this - I'm not sure I can be this grown-up. Actually, this whole year, looking back, has been about becoming a grown-up in a multitude of ways and hi, I'm the girl who's at university so she doesn't have to grow-up! I am a shining example of a peter pan complex in academia, so how does it work that I suddenly have a home and a job and bills and a girlfriend and a group of friends and I cook for myself and can host a dinner party and this year is messing with my head.

And the thing is, the worst, stupidest, silliest thing is that I like it. I mean, obviously not the bills and not really work, but I like the other things. I like that I have this weird, lovely, happy, silly, romantic relationship which needs work, sure, but just *happens*; I like that I can cook and clean and competently take care of myself; I like that I can finance my own life almost - I hardly need economic support from my family; I like that I can talk to people - to my housemates, to my coursemates. I like that I have this whole life, this weird, stressful, grown-up, silly life, these days that rush by me and leave me content. It's weird and frightening and so good. Like, maybe I can do this.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to further procrastinate on my packing.


ETA: I just went to close my window and saw Tom and Tamsyn kissing in the kitchen with Chris cuddled up on the couch with his Wii. I don't know if I've mentioned it, but I love this house.
ink_splotch: (i play in a rock'n'roll band [estreet])
So tired.

Assorted Bruce Springsteen notes:

I realize I completely forgot to mention Devil's Arcade in my review of the concert, which is silly, because *damn*, that is Springsteen at it's most beautiful. and the weird thing is, I barely even liked the song before I heard it at the concert, but now - and I need to stress that Bruce didn't introduce it at all - now I understand it. It's beautiful; it's one of those songs that just sneaks up on you. If you want it, I've uploaded it: Devil's Arcade. It's really one of the most gorgeous songs of Springsteen's I've ever heard.

Also with regards to the concert, I met this awesome guy in the queue to the loos. First saw Springsteen in 1972 in Asbury, NJ, used to live in New York, but had lived in Finland for 25 years. What did we end up chatting about? English literature - he teaches it in Finland. Spent sometime discussing Shakespeare, but most of the time we spent talking about Beowulf. How randomly awesome is that?

Incidentally, I could totally write an essay about the portrayal of romantic friendship in the songs of Bruce Springsteen. This kind of worries me.

Completely unrelated to Springsteen:

I just bought The Sting. ♥♥ Just. Like. The eyefucking! It's like Ocean's Eleven, except somehow even gayer. I feel a rec post coming on.
ink_splotch: (disappear to where you are [bff])
1. I dreamt last night that I was lying in Gemma's bed in her room last year, next to her. And we were watching the rain fall down, pattering against the window.

2. I'm kind of falling into Fall Out Boy fandom a little bit, except that's a lie. I like the music and I'm falling into Pete/Patrick. It's like there's a fandom-wide belief that Pete and Patrick just *are*. Like maybe they even transcend a pairing and you wouldn't be able to write Mikey/Pete without at least mentioning Patrick because that's just how it is with the two of them. I don't know if it's true or not, but I'm kind of enamored of the idea.

3. I bought Gemma flowers today because I was walking home and in a good mood.

4. I'm in a weird, happy mood and I desperately want to be on the S-train going into Copenhagen. These two things should contradict each other, but they don't. Instead I'm listening to oddly desperate, for lack of a better word, neo-romantic music and reading old letters and thinking about Christmas and renaissance literature (I really should be reading for it) and being happy.

5. I seem to have a gaggle of friends in the English department. I'm not sure where they came from, but now they're here and I'm liking it a lot. I actually feel that way about quite a lot of my life - like I looked up from my computer and there was this whole life that some other me created for me and I like it. I kind of love it.

6. QI continues to be the most amazing thing ever - it's all silly and rude and quaint and smart and it makes me feel nostalgic and oddly grown-up at the same time.
ink_splotch: (easier to be me with you [comfort])
I have a job! Though, dude, ridiculous amounts of hoop jumping. And right now I'm so tired, I'm not sure more work is really what I want. However, I have a 9.30-17.30 shift on Wednesday, so let's see how I feel after that.

At least I'm working. That's quite satisfactory.

Today one of my lecturer's used a clip of Eddie Izzard to illustrate a point. That was pretty surreal. Yet oddly awesome (even though I wanted to point out that there were other funnier and more relevant Eddie clips he could have used, SEND HELP!).

Also, I'm kind of homesick and the election - oddly enough - isn't making it any better.
ink_splotch: (muddling through it all [relationship])
I think naps might be my new favourite thing ever. I just woke up from two hours - two blissful, dreamless, warm, unconscious hours - and I don't think I've felt this content in days. Mmmm. Even the fact that I have to translate 50 lines of Old English, then read secondary criticism of Utopia and then read 60 pages of Chaucer does not destroy my feeling of contentedness.

For, you see, not only have I napped, but I am also going to Red Leicester this evening, the weekly cheese night at our Student Union. I love Cheese Night - and I already have alcohol at Gemma's, so it'll be a cheap night as well. And, hello, dancing with the girlfriend. Mmm, yeah.

School's still not great - I only really like one of my seminars, which is bad when seminars are my favourite element of my education. The other two aren't bad, they're just very slow and quite staid and more proscribing than encouraging of debate. Aside from that, two of my three modules are 100% based on the examination, which means I have no course work and as a result, I'm having a hard time focusing. I like to be forced to prove myself continually, and this term doesn't demand that of me; my first graded assignment is on the 7th of December, so what's to stop me from not doing any work until then? Only my own work ethic, and the slight problem is, I have none. Boo. And I kind of miss the history department, because at least most of the students are passionate geeks who *like* their subject - a lot of the attitudes in the English department make me want to cry or switch to mathematics or something.

It kind of sucks, and it gets particularly wearisome on Thursday, which is why I needed the nap today. Mmm, nap.

I also needed Invasion of the Dykes to Watch Out For. I don't think I've ever loved a comic strip so much, and I can't help thinking if The L-Word had been more like that, and less, well, Sex and the City, I would've been a much bigger fan. Because, although I don't have the community and dude, I sometimes really, really do wish I had the community, I am a left-wing lesbian with guilt issues, concerns about being able to get married and have kids and I spend time thinking about my gender issues and my sexuality and I fuck up and am neurotic and silly and I just. I love the Dykes... because they're so flawed, but in such a nice way - because they aren't pretty and don't have glamourous jobs and things like cancer happen to them but it's not a big, huge thing, it's one more big huge thing among those worries that make up the everyday life of these women (and men and their children) and I just want to *hug* them all. There's literally not a character I don't love, though I have particular affection for Sydney and Mo (because they are two sides of me and so fucked up and flawed, yet *sweet*) and Lois, the Drag King who just *loves* life so damn much it's infectious. Man, this comic is just brilliant. ♥

Now, I'm off to translate and then try on my outfit for tonight. And to try not to go back to sleep.

Or have yet another fit about my degree.

(But on the bright-bright side, I am now completely out of debt. Whee!)
(On the bright^3 side, Gemma's not working Saturday for once. Yay, day of lounging!)
ink_splotch: (destiny is calling you [amelie])
You know, the revelation that Dumbledore is gay actually works really well with the overarching theme of love going on in the Harry Potter books - and if it had been made a little bit more clear (though now I need to re-read Deathly Hallows, go team Me!) it would've provided an interesting counterpoint to the overall message that love conquers all.

It's also just cool, 'cause dude. Dumbledore!

Other things that are awesome include Stardust. Claire Danes is pretty and snarky! The romance is cute and believable! The evil characters are...ambivalent! The seven brothers are the best peanut gallery ever! Captain Shakespeare is made from so much win I think I may have clapped when he came on!

♥ Go see it! (It's a Neil Gaiman fairytale - go! go!)

I managed to recover fully from Thursday's mini-depression with help from the always lovely Gemma and - have I mentioned this yet - my housemates and their awesomeness. Seriously, if it weren't for Tom, Roisin and Chris, this term would be a lot less fun. And yesterday was awesome - watched TV most of the day with the house and Gem, went to see Stardust (glee!), went back to Gem's for pizza, The Tudors (love, love, love!) and QI, which is still the best thing on TV.

And today I went shopping while listening to slash fanfiction. Heh.

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