ink_splotch: (prettiest thing i ever did see [dress])
This is my life.

Or maybe this is.
ink_splotch: (my life on paper in the sun [summer])
So apparently, what it took to shake me out of my funk1 was to buy the new Virago print of 84 Charing Cross Road and then lie on the grass, in the sun reading it for an hour. I am now all freckle-y and quite content.

(I wish I could show you the cover I have - it's printed for the 30 anniversary of Virago and is so beautiful that I knew I had to buy it - it has blue and gray doves on it, I can't even explain. The book itself is delightful - it's incredibly short, yet when you finish you feel as if years have passed. It seems uncomplicated, and in many ways is, yet it is lovely and well worth the hour it takes to read)

1. At least for today. I am headache-y, and I haven't slept enough at all, so chances are that it's still a crash period, but this afternoon has been good.
ink_splotch: (wish i could be [longing])
We're having a weird summer period here; it's incredibly hot and humid - perfect for sitting in the park and reading. Which I didn't do today, sadly; I did gain a top score of 191 in Wii bowling, cook Gemma lunch and do two hours of revision though, so my day wasn't completely wasted.

It's been such a ridiculous week - I've been having mood swings all over the place and unable to be happy for more than an hour or so at a time, even though there's nothing specific to be sad about. Work is dull and repetitive; my academic life is currently making me less happy than it normally does; I still haven't finished Critical Theory and I need to start revising for exams. But I've dealt with this before, and - crucially - none of these things are immediately stressing me out. And yet, I'm just - not happy. It may just be a crash period, of course - it feels like it's been ages since I've had one - but that's just a new level of annoyance, because I don't know how to make them stop, all I can do is wait it out. Or possibly it's just a cycle of sadness.

Oddly enough, in my current state this clip is making me very happy:

From Latter Days. Plot lines spoilers.

Not the entire thing, of course (I am not actually a horrible person), but just his smile at about 0:40-0:51; that sense of *happiness* despite everything that's happened to him just does something to me. (Incidentally, I very much recommend the film; I watched it at least partially to satisfy my 'religion vs. love' interest and it definitely deals with that - and quite well, if not entirely to my liking, but that's a different kettle of fish - but it also has some rather lovely supporting characters. And hot sex! So, there's that.)

Speaking of films, I watched Enchanted last night and wasn't as charmed as I expected to be, which makes me sad, because it felt like I should love it - all the other Disney geeks I know adored it. And I can see why, I really can, but there was part of me that kept going "But that's not what my Disney was." I think, in the end, it's a homage and pastiche based on the Disney films of the creators' generation rather than mine, and I wasn't expecting that. It is a sweet film with many redeeming qualities (and some really catchy tunes), but, you know, it wasn't my Disney.
ink_splotch: (i love paris in the summer [cities])
I'm back! Though not from outer space. Rather, from Bean's and from Paris. Both of which were amazing. Firstly, Bean's home is in this tiny village in the country - no, really, the country, rolling fields and village greens and everything. It's the type of place where, when you look out of the window, you half expect some lost Romantic poet to be rambling, perhaps stopping every once in a while to harass some part of nature with a poem. Absolutely beautiful, if at times a little scarily sweet. It's pretty much exactly as a non-English person would visualize England (and, for that matter, the English). I even went to church on Sunday, and that was fun and sweet as well. Of course, afterwards we went to have fondue and sit in a hot tub for the day, so it wasn't that weird. And it was awesome to see Becs again, even if she has now again deserted me for the great country of France.

Speaking of France - Paris! The trip was amazing, absolutely amazing; the only real problem was it was too short, so we didn't get to visit Pere Lechaise, for example, or the Bastille and the Opera. But Paris is such a gorgeous city, and being there with Gemma was just - it's what Paris is supposed to be, you know? Wandering through small streets and ducking into the small parks scattered throughout Paris, walking arm-in-arm by the Seine, sitting in the sun in the park at Notre Dame kissing and eating meringue. It was lovely, and I think we had quite a well-rounded trip, hitting all the big landmarks, but also managing to go down the small streets, eat in some "local" restaurants and visit some local coffee shops and bars (one in particular was awesome - it was underground! The drinks came with marshmallows! I was pleased.), and, of course, visiting Shakespeare and Company which was as beautiful and glorious and just lovely as you'd expect. It was an experience. )

The only thing that really kind of bugged me was Notre Dame - it's such a stunning building, but it loses a lot by having "walk-in" confessionals, a gift shop, neon lighting and hundreds of tourists snapping pictures. Den of thieves, anyone? Also, there was a concert Tuesday night, which we didn't realize until Wednesday, which was annoying.

But it was so good. It really was. And I'm so glad I went.

(speaking of Gemma, she is currently asleep in my bed behind me - she's home ill with a stomach bug and feeling guilty for not being at work. I know it's bad, but I'm kind of glad; it's so nice having her here, and I'm enjoying taking care of her (she is ridiculously undemanding and makes a big deal out of everything I do, which is very rewarding. Shallow, me?). And it's quite homey having her here. Even though it's also making me feel guilty for being on LJ rather than doing work.)


I feel like I'm waiting for something. Maybe because Paris has been the big thing I've been waiting for since January and now it's gone; maybe because I've an urge to write, but no discipline to do so; maybe because essays and exams are due in soon and need studying for and yet I'm not doing that; maybe because, I keep looking for books and trying to find the perfect one - you know that feeling, where you know it's there somewhere, but because you don't know exactly what you're looking for, you just know you'll know when you see it, it's oddly...not frustrating, but expectant? I feel like that, like something is about to happen or I'm about to do something, but I don't know what.

Either that, or the combination of Perks of Being a Wallflower and Belle and Sebastian is messing with my mind.
ink_splotch: (could be our everyday [home])
1. Morte D'Arthur would be infinitely more amusing to read if I were allowed to edit it as I read. There would be a lot of comments along the lines of: "Too much tell, too little show", "irrelevant to the plot", "repeating how much Gawain likes fruit eight times is just annoying" and "character development - look it up".

It is entirely possible that I am a terrible English student.

2. My dad and I have watched four hours of How I Met Your Mother today. We watched two hours yesterday. We are maybe a little bit hooked. (Also, my dad keeps going "The women! They have *hips*! When did they start allowing women with hips to be on TV?" which is very amusing. And, indeed, the women on HIMYM are really, really gorgeous. Mmmmmhmm.)

Also, the show is just awesome. And mostly angst-free! ♥

3. I've been having a huge craving for more Being Human the last couple of days. Why isn't there more? *dispairs*

4. I've managed to double book just about every day this holiday and so haven't managed to do a lot of things I should have done. Like book a time for my hair. This is becoming a bit of a crisis.

5. 10 days to Paris! 10 days until I get three completely work-free days! This should be de-stressing, except right now I'm kind of worried it won't be as awesome as I want it to be, or Gemma won't like it as much as I hope, and just, flail! And then I realize that it's three days with *Gemma*. How can it be anything but awesome?

5a. Well, it won't be awesome if I don't exchange my money. Like, before I leave Denmark, where I can do it without have to pay an exchange fee.


6. Also, am going down to Becca's in eight days. It's kind of weird - being at uni, I very rarely actually see people's, you know, former homes and meet their families and all that. I'm oddly excited about that. Also, going to church!

7. Critical theory has just become awesome again. Seriously, Freud's essay 'The Uncanny' is possibly the best thing I've read in CT this year outside of gender and queer theory (and more interesting than certain aspects of those theories, as well). I am now in the novel position of actually wanting to write my essay.

It's quite a strange feeling.
ink_splotch: (wacky modern-day families [us])
Hey MC,
Hope your trip was okay and you've arrived safe and sound. There should be food in the fridge and clean sheets on the bed.
See you tomorrow,

Hey MC,
Hope you've brought candy! Please empty the dishwasher, I forgot.

Ah, home-sweet-home.

(On a vaguely related note: how awesome is it to be able to wake slowly, going from a dream state to writing fic mentally in the snooze period on the alarm? mmm, sleep!)
ink_splotch: (moves us all [life])
1. I've been with Gemma for a year as of yesterday. I realize this is a completely arbitrary way of telling time and all that, but it still seems like something of a mile-stone. Particularly since I still haven't got this relationship figured out - it's a huge, momentous thing and it means the world to me, and yet it's easy and simple and it's my everyday life.

A vaguely related tangent is, how fast has this year gone by?

2. I am completely and utterly behind on my Torchwood watching. Eek.

3. I am slightly behind on work still, due to having been out of town for three days (which was awesome, oh yes), which is not being made better by the fact that I have about six books I wanted to read - completely unrelated to my degree programme. Happiness!

3a. And my essay questions for restoration literature suck so bad.

3b. And I still haven't received my grades for last term's work yet. WHY WON'T YOU JUDGE ME? *cries*

4. I have this horrible feeling that I'm going to be writing fanfiction soon as a consequence of no one writing my Stardust pairing. And also because the Faculty Fandom continues to prey on my mind. Dammit, brain, I don't have time for all this!
ink_splotch: (i control the sun [martha])
Reasons Today is Totally, Totally Awesome:

1. Critical Theory and feeling like I'm seen a smart, competent student.

2. The sky outside right now; sunset in Leicester is for, whatever reason, always stunning and today is no exception. From my window the sky is a patchwork of pink, blue, gray, white and orange and slight, slight purple.

3. Al Gore and Brooklinegirl.

4. My seminar group of awesome, but also my seminar tutor made of awesome.

4a. Becca, having inappropriate conversations at random and quoting pornographic poetry (see: 5 + 5a)

5. Rochester and Johnny Depp in The Libertine and the lecture I had today on Rochester. I know I shouldn't like him, or at least shouldn't like him for the reasons I do, but man. The frankness, honesty and the levels of self-awareness in his work in contrast with the roles he plays and the distance he places between himself and his narrators.

'Do you like me now?'

5a. The Imperfect Enjoyment. The word fucking-post is also one of the reasons the world is awesome today.

5b. Snuggling with Gemma during the lecture, an oddly lovely counterpoint to the massive amounts of meaningless sex in the lecture.

6. The Song of Purple Summer - Brooke/Peyton, One Tree Hill; I love domestic fic that doesn't go overboard on the saccharine, yet manages to convey a sense of contentment and peace.

7. House of Physics!
ink_splotch: (stronger than I look [strength])
1. A week ago, Sofie went home, which was very sad, but before then we had an awesome week where too much money was spent, too much tv was watched and too much squeeing was done. Much love, Sofie ♥!

2. Yesterday was the premiere of Torchwood which had me full of squee and will be fully discussed in a post coming soon to an LJ near you.

3. My exams are done and sucked and I hate them, hate them, but they are done and that is, at least, something.

4. Two of my closest friends broke up and I haven't spoken to either of them in ages and I feel like a terrible friend. Also I am dealing badly with the reality of their no longer being together.
ink_splotch: (disappear to where you are [bff])
1. I dreamt last night that I was lying in Gemma's bed in her room last year, next to her. And we were watching the rain fall down, pattering against the window.

2. I'm kind of falling into Fall Out Boy fandom a little bit, except that's a lie. I like the music and I'm falling into Pete/Patrick. It's like there's a fandom-wide belief that Pete and Patrick just *are*. Like maybe they even transcend a pairing and you wouldn't be able to write Mikey/Pete without at least mentioning Patrick because that's just how it is with the two of them. I don't know if it's true or not, but I'm kind of enamored of the idea.

3. I bought Gemma flowers today because I was walking home and in a good mood.

4. I'm in a weird, happy mood and I desperately want to be on the S-train going into Copenhagen. These two things should contradict each other, but they don't. Instead I'm listening to oddly desperate, for lack of a better word, neo-romantic music and reading old letters and thinking about Christmas and renaissance literature (I really should be reading for it) and being happy.

5. I seem to have a gaggle of friends in the English department. I'm not sure where they came from, but now they're here and I'm liking it a lot. I actually feel that way about quite a lot of my life - like I looked up from my computer and there was this whole life that some other me created for me and I like it. I kind of love it.

6. QI continues to be the most amazing thing ever - it's all silly and rude and quaint and smart and it makes me feel nostalgic and oddly grown-up at the same time.
ink_splotch: (just lay entwined here [courtship])
Days seem to be flying past me - or maybe lilting past me, as Leicester is actually gorgeously red, yellow and brown right now, sunny and warm and autumn-y. Days seem to disappear into a haze of lectures, books, notes, housemates, Gemma and sleep - and it's so good, I can't believe my life sometimes. Everything seems to have finally settled down; I have fifteen hours of work a week in the sweet shop - and how brilliant is my job? It's a bit hard on the legs (no sitting down *cries*), but people are so nice and my co-workers are very cool and it's a sweet shop - I have nine hours of uni, or ten, if you're counting the American Studies course I've been sneaking on to. Between all that there's laundry to be done, cooking and grocery shopping, bills to be paid and general balancing of economics to make sure I can still go out once or twice a week and occasionally sustain my addiction to books, sweets and smoothies - not to mention shoes and underwear.

Yesterday I was napping in Gemma's bed, with her reading next to me, and her housemate's music coming through the floor, and I was thinking about nothing really and I don't think I've felt so incredibly...content? Peaceful, perhaps, is better, in a while. It was just good and reminded me that, while I do have rough patches, on the whole - this is what I want. This is where I want to be.

Now, if only there were some way to make time slow down.
ink_splotch: ('cause we don't hold back [TWW])
Have I mentioned that I suck at endings?

So why I am watching the last episode of The West Wing? No, seriously. I started crying when John Spencer's name came on the credits.

And just. It's not even my show any more - I haven't watched anything from season five onwards - but. My characters. My team. And they're all different, but they're just same enough that I care.

Sam being back. CJ in the press room. "What Would Leo Do?". Pardoning Toby. Donna and Josh. Bartlet giving Charlie his Constitution. Abbey cracking jokes. Debbie explaining about 'no'. "Home, Sweet Home."

And Bartlet for America. Oh, Leo. Oh, god, Leo and Jed and all of them. Just all of them.

I miss it. I miss it so much.

Rest in Peace.
ink_splotch: (half of the time we're gone [lonely])
Currently reading Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince and rather enjoying it.

Currently watching Doctor Who and being very well entertained (JACK! MARTHA! The Master, dude!) and Foyle's War, which is amazing.

Currently in Denmark to see my brother graduate and spend time with my father and mother.

Currently feeling like something is stuck in my throat, choking me - I can't stop thinking about the End of Term. I am not looking forward to this summer - I miss everyone, I miss Leicester, and even though it's not actually the case, I feel like I'm losing something.
ink_splotch: (my feet won't touch the ground [fly])
It's been raining and raining and raining; despite a thunderstorm earlier today, the rain has not abated. It's making me feel funny; on one hand, it makes me feel cosy and cuddly, on the other, it makes me miss Gemma. I'm currently cuddled up in Gemma's romm watching television, wearing Gemma's teeshirt and my brand new Converse - shoes I've been wanting for about a month or so now, brown patent leather with green stitching, just purchased yesterday - all of which is embuing me with a peaceful feeling. Of course, that may be the chocolate talking, and possibly the fact that I've just re-watched Kiki's Delivery Service. It's a very sweet film about a 13 year-old witch during her apprentice year away from her family, and it's just so very *sweet* and childlike and makes me feel all warm inside. Even as it makes me miss Gemma. Then again everything does.

I think it's at least partially because I am arriving at yet another big End; the end of my first year, the end of life in university accomodation, the end of Gemma and I's little cocoon, the end of seeing Ros and Mike every night, the end of living near everyone I want to see. It's weird and not at all pleasant really - I have a horrid feeling that it's going to be my highschool graduation all over again, except without my dad to take care of me. I don't know. I just can't stop thinking about it, and it's colouring everything, and it makes me want to grab on to every little moment. I've loved this year, loved everything, the ups and downs and even my stupid mini-depression in later Novemember/early Decemember. This has been basically what I wanted from this year, and I'm all kinds of sad about giving it up.

But enough emo - tomorrow, Jack returns on Who! I really liked Blink though it terrified me stupid; it was a beautiful episode, and Steven Moffat can have my soul, if I ever get it back from Human Nature/The Family of Blood. Oh, Who, how I love you! I am currently discovering the joy of the Eighth Doctor (his companion is a man! they're clearly in love! yay!), so Doctor Who and I? Still going strong. And Jack's tomorrow, which'll be awesome. Hopefully. It is Russel T Davies, and I'm not sure how much faith I have in him. Still.

Other gleeful things: since the end of exams, I've read four books: A Room of One's Own (Virginia, oh Virginia!); The Boleyn Inheritance (Very good; I get really annoyed when people call the series romance novels, when they are in fact political-historical dramas from a female perspective. I spy a paper in this rant.); The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas (Still not sure I like this. It's a very simple book and it felt too simple for me - too simple to deal with the complexity of the Holocaust); The Dream Life of Sukanov (an absolutely amazing book about art and creating art; but also about the choices we make and what makes life worth living; about compromise; about what we give up and what we keep; about what is important. Which incidentally ties it into my current book The Time Traveller's Wife, which is beautiful and sad and makes you want to believe.) All but The Boy... come heartily recommended and, interestingly, all but one of them are recognizably post-modern, something which leads me to think this may be the area of my focus when the master's degree rolls around.

Final thing of glee (best for last): went to London yesterday. It was awesome! Gem and I watched The Complete Works of Shakespeare (Abridged) which was hilarious; we saw people perform opera live in Convent Garden; a finger puppet frog prince fell tragically in love with Gemma after she transformed him from frog to prince (okay, maybe I was the one controlling the puppets - still!); we had coffee and we got 20% off books at Waterstones. Oh, London!

Tomorrow: Star Trek marathon with Cathrine and Dr. Who! Yay!
ink_splotch: (soldiers of a different war [m/10])
Today I listened to live jazz. This was an amazing experience, not because the music was good (even though it was, it was very nice), but because it was completely out-of-the-blue. Gemma and I were rambling around the countryside (it is absolutely beautiful if you go a little east of university accomadation - all rolling fields of English countryside with quaint little churches and quite lovely houses) when we came upon a farmhouse pub. With jazz music. And really nice, cheap food, and homemade cider (mmm, cider) and did I mention the jazz music? I so rarely have truly out-of-the-blue experiences, so this was quite...extraordinary, I guess.

Last night Gemma and I had a serious conversation - our first serious relationship conversation. It went surprisingly well; we're both very non-confrontational, so having the conversation was a good step, I felt, and afterwards we were able to joke around and today feels *better* somehow - like we're stronger - so that's one worry off my shoulder. I'm still shocked at how easy all this with Gemma is - and how I'm not tired of her yet, or at least of being with her all the time. I usually don't deal well with constant companionship, but as long as I have an hour or two to myself once a day, I love it.

Tomorrow is the last exam for the physicists, so I'm out to dinner, which is worrying me more than it should - it's just that I'm finally going to meet all my housemates next year, and talk with them and I am sort of worried I won't get along with them. I don't need to be BFF with them, I just want them to like me, and I want to like them. I adore Cathrine, of course, and Tamsyn, Tom and Roisin are all awesome, so really there are only three people I'm worried about. I can handle that.

Finally, as my icons probably indicate, Doctor Who is taking up a lot of my fannish mentality, except instead of wanting fic, I'm craving meta and analysis and criticism and I'm blaming all this on the lack of university in my life right now.
ink_splotch: (infinite worlds open before us [who])
Last night I dreamt that Take That were space travellers; Robbie was something to do with computers and brilliant, so everyone put up with him being a twat; Gary was the Captain; Howard seemed to be both navigator and body gaurd; Jason was the engineer and Mark did something which seemed to entail sitting and asking Jason lots of questions/flirting with him. I think they made out at some point - sadly, it has faded a bit.

I'm blaming Doctor Who. No, really. Riley looked and sounded like Jason, hee! Very sweet. And the entire episode was glee-making - watched it with a whole big group, which was quite an awesome experience; everyone was whispering their theories at each other, and giggling inappropriately, and for the last ten minutes there was a constant stream of "but, but, surely...where's Jack?". But even though there was no Jack, I really, really liked 42 Even though Ros pointed out the physics problems )

Finally, I need to revise; however, instead, I am watching The Shakespeare Code. I have done about an hours notating so far, and plan to do an essay after tea, then two or three essay plans, though I still need to do summaries for the Marlowe plays. I don't feel *ready* for this exam, but at the same time, I don't feel like there's all that much more I can do; I know the plays, I know the themes, I know how the plays work together; I need to get a somewhat better idea of what happens in which act. And then re-read SparkNotes. Apart from that, it's just essay plans. The thing is, I can write four or five pretty good essays, except it requires that the questions are *just* right. And I'm not sure they will be - I'd like an essay on women, on the power of love, on gender roles in general, on outsiders, on religion, on power and authority. The problem is, the question won't be that vague and the tighter they get, the less likely it is that I can combine the plays the way I *want* to.

I hate exams.

I'm also not a big fan of the fact that I still don't have all the data necessary to complete my stupid language project, because some people think Wednesday is equalivalent to some time during the weekend.

And Gemma's gone back to Bedford.

HOWEVER! I will persevere and get my work done and hopefully my project will be completable tomorrow, at which point Gemma will also be back!

Oh, university life!
ink_splotch: (here I am [peaceful])
Today has been weirdly zen, which I'm assuming stems from going back to my old (old-old) school today and talking to one of my old teachers. Everything's so different, and yet it is exactly the same. Very strange. But nice.

Also, the sun is shining, Cathrine's coming and my group project of doom is back on track. And on Sunday I'm seeing Gemma again. Now, if I could get rid of the niggling voice that doesn't want to leave Denmark ever again (it's small, but there, and I blame Tess and Sofie. And Signe. And the weather.)
ink_splotch: (courtship rituals of geeks [library])
It is good to be home. Today was Easter Lunch, which went positively brilliantly compared to last time the family met up, and I got to hang out with my cousin, which was incredibly awesome - I'd forgotten how cool she is, and how funny. Yesterday I went to Copenhagen to buy a few odds and ends, and then spent the rest of the day at Signe's, playing Trivial Pursuit and watching a documentary about political scandals. And it was all awesome, and fun, and I enjoyed it, it felt good. But still, I can't help thinking about Gemma near constanly.

Further Babble on the Subject )

Enough of that melancholy and introspective, though! Because after we are really here to talk about Doctor Who, and Martha, and, of course, Shakespeare. [ profile] ariastar had a review up in her journal with all but forced me to download The Shakespeare Code and I am so glad I did. Who fandom, I'm back! Though mostly to say: GLEE!

Spoilers for S3E2 )

Final two things:
a)One of the good things about being a U2 fan is that you get to imagine conversations like this:
Cut for Banjos )
And thus, the world is blessed with this.

2) Why did no one tell me how awesome Take That's Shine music video is? FAIL! It's so cool. *glees* Mark Owen dancing on Gary Barlow's piano just amuses the hell out of me. It's just so STYLIZED. Oh, Take That. Don't ever stop.

Now I'm off to distract myself from missing Gemma with more Who. It won't work, but at least I'll be amused.
ink_splotch: (midnights and sunsets [measure a year])
Oh. My. God. Billy Joel has a new single out. And it's gorgeous.

I. Uh. Something's got to give. No one gets this damn lucky, right?
ink_splotch: (here I am [peaceful])
Sofie's going to be here in just under three hours! I'm ridiculously excited - Sofie! In England! In Leicester, no less. How can that be anything except awesome? However, I am of course woefully unprepared for her imminent arrival - I haven't bought bus tickets (though, okay, that's perhaps a little less immediately important), I haven't hoovered yet (which I need to do like, now) and my laundry is more pressing than previously ancipated (though, really, it can wait until tomorrow.) None of that really matters though, because Sofie's coming! Yay!

The main reason I haven't been doing all these things is because I've not been much home this week. After finishíng my essay Wednesday, I've all but moved to Gemma's. I'm still falling for her to the point where it's worrying me a little - she was snoring last night, and I found it helplessly endearing. Still find it helplessly endearing. I catch myself just staring at her sometimes. It's odd, but good. So, so good. Even if I do have a few moments of complete panic about losing it suddenly.

However! Since, naturally, when I've been home, I haven't been doing anything serious, I have been reading The Road to Nevada by [ profile] lamardeuse. It's a wonderful SGA AU, set in the 1930s, with John as a down-on-his-luck former Air Force pilot, looking for a job from McKay, whose a scientist and plane-builder. It's long and plotty and it builds up the romance so damn well, it seems so natural, without dominating the story in any way - the main story is the road trip. And it's historical setting is used to the utmost, which leaves me ridiculously fangirly. Read it!

And now, to the hoovermobile!


ink_splotch: (Default)

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